While it’s a true saying that “comparison is the thief of joy,” I would argue that it steals even more than that. Its thievery also includes opportunities and vulnerability. But in order for this kind of malicious theft to take place, something must also be given. And what comparison gives is fear and inadequacy. We can see how this giving and taking go hand in hand: When we fear we don’t measure up or that we’re not as good at something as the next guy, we quit before we even start, convincing ourselves that people don’t need whatever it is we have to offer.
Or maybe that’s just me.
The world of writing has been many things for me. It’s been spiritually formative, challenging, freeing, and overall, really fun. I write because I enjoy it- it’s always been a love, even from elementary school. In my younger years I sat at my old typewriter for hours creating stories. In high school, college, and grad school I admittedly liked writing papers. So, in some sense, it’s always been in me to write. But most importantly, I write because I feel it glorifies God and encourages others. All of those reasons should be enough for me to continue! Yet too often the gifts of comparison creep in. For instance, when I compare my writing style or content to other writers, I’m convinced that because others do it better, I’m only wasting my time. As inadequacy abounds, I become certain my words aren’t needed.
I could easily give the same script- the same examples of fear and inadequacy- for the times comparison intervenes in other areas of my life. Certainly, it happens at my job and in my home. Comparing myself to other counselors, moms, and wives leaves me very aware of all that I lack. While I of course don’t disengage from these roles, comparison ensures I engage in them with a burden on my back and with a bit less joy.
If any of this sounds remotely familiar to you, we must now ask: What can we do to rail against comparison? How do we keep ourselves from engaging the thief of joy and the giver of fear and inadequacy?
To answer those questions I propose we start with an example of two of history’s greatest writers: Charles Dickens and Fyodor Dostoevsky. These two men, born 9 years apart, lived to be 58 and 59 years old, respectively. One born in England, the other in Russia, both wrote prolifically and are regarded as heroes of classic literature. Both wrote masterpieces during the same era, diving deeply into the depravity and redemption of humanity. But while there are similarities, there are key differences as well. Though I’m not going to subject you to a comparative essay (you’re welcome!) I will say this: I am so thankful that neither said, “Because of the greatness of the other, there is no place for me here.” What a tragedy that would have been! Though great in their own ways, I simultaneously love and cherish A Tale of Two Cities and Crime and Punishment.
I think of this example specifically when I struggle with writing comparison. It gives me clarity to see the faulty logic of my thinking. Here’s what I mean: Someone else’s talent for writing does not mean that I have no skill; and someone else having something important to say does not mean that I don’t. I also can recognize the right we all have to personal preferences. Some prefer Dickens to Dostoevsky- others would clearly choose Dostoevsky over Dickens. Still, others would choose neither! Preferences do not determine a writer’s ability or the profound message they share with the world.
The same truth applies to us in all aspects of our lives, whether in our professions or in our relationships. We all have strengths and weaknesses we bring to the table. But the strength of one person does not mean we are inadequate; it does not disqualify the gifts we offer to others.
One more thought: While it’s human nature to notice differences in skills and abilities, it seems we would be much better off if we traded comparison for inspiration. Rather than allow inadequacy and fear to overtake us, what if instead we used the strengths of others to inspire us? To move us toward developing the skills and traits we desire to possess? And what if, instead of jealousy, we were inclined to rejoice at the gifts and success of others? I imagine our hearts would be freer and our burdens lighter.
When the temptation to compare rears its ugly head, let’s remember the example of Dickens and Dostoevsky. And by all means, let’s embrace inspiration and rejoicing. That way, our joy will not be stolen, and opportunities will not be missed. And most importantly, the Lord will be glorified, and others will be blessed.
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