The last time I wrote was in May of this year. This marks the longest stretch of non-writing since I started writing in 2019. As I type these words, I feel anxious and uncertain. Do I remember how to do this? More concerning yet, do I have anything to say? Oh, and then the dread of where to start…
So I will start with something real. At this present moment I feel physically tired. It’s been a busy fall, full of wonderful things. Things like cross country meets, golf matches, Friday night football games, and marching band contests. Full of time with friends and family and church. And work. And cooking, laundry, and grocery shopping. It’s been a lot but it’s also been good. As this hectic season winds down, I find myself feeling sad because it’s over, but oh so grateful that it happened.
I suppose I should mention that while there has been much to rejoice over, there’s been some hard moments to swallow as well. My heart has been grieved by change and heavy with the burdens and sorrows of others. Sometimes it seems there is just so much to lift up in prayer.
Needless to say, the totality of the season has left me feeling as though I need a good week’s sleep. And while sleep will come (and undoubtedly be helpful) I think the real action needed now is prayer. But how (or for what) should I pray? For all of the changes and emotions present, I think I will turn my attention to the prayer of 2 Thessalonians 3:5: “May the Lord direct your heart to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ.”
This simple prayer reminds me that whether I’m tired, uncertain, or sad, redirecting my heart to the love of God is one of the best things I can do. For starters, it turns my attention from myself to Him. To His character and abundant love. This turning leads me to praise Him and fills me with hope and assurance. Hope of His glorious salvation and that He will see me through the changing seasons of life. Assurance that He will continue to act in accordance with His love.
When I think of the steadfast love of Christ I am reminded that our Savior is One who does not change: He is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). The same Jesus who fed the crowd in compassion and wept with the mourning is the same Jesus who knows and cares about all that weighs on my heart and mind. It is a great grace that my heart should be turned to the source of life and light, to be directed to the One who gives rest to my soul.
As I wind this post down, I fear I’m in the same predicament as when I began. Though it’s difficult to begin, sometimes it’s equally difficult to know how to end! And so, I will end with something real. It’s been a few weeks since I actually began writing this post. Since then, life has moved forward. I feel less tired and the sadness of the changing season has faded. And yet, some things still weigh heavy. But the Lord has directed my heart to His love and my eyes to Jesus. With gratitude, hope, and assurance, He will lead me on.
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