Pursuing Peace II: Relationship Mini-Series

Day 3:

Freely Forgive: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13

This is a tough one for sure.  Trust me, I’m not pretending this is easy.  But so often our hurt hearts turn into bitter, resentful hearts.  When we’ve been wronged our anger feels  so justified- and often it is. But the question we must ask ourselves is, “How long am I willing to live and operate out of this emotion?”  As we consider that answer, let me offer a few points of consideration to address the common barriers of forgiveness.  

1) Forgiving someone is not equivalent to saying the wrong actions were permissible.  We are never to call sin “good” or “okay.”  Because it’s not.  But what we can do is acknowledge the pain and injury it caused.  We can even verbalize this to the person who hurt us.  And then we can say, “I forgive you and will not hold this against you.”  

2) Forgiving someone is not always equivalent to the restoration of trust.  I’m thinking of extreme examples on this one, but as a therapist of 17 years I thought it was important to mention.  In our day to day lives, most often we will be able to rebuild trust (or set boundaries as needed- more on that one later), but there are some instances when trust is not safe or healthy.  For example, if someone has abused you in a physical, emotional, or sexual way, forgiveness is absolutely  essential to your healing process.  However, that does not mean it is wise to place yourself in a situation where that abuse could happen again.  

3) We must remember that we are forgiven by God.  Sometimes we struggle to forgive others because we think the hurt is too big to forgive- that is doesn’t deserve to be forgiven.  Which is precisely the point of forgiveness!  It is undeserved.  When I consider how unworthy I am of the forgiveness of the God of the universe I can’t help but think,  “Who am I then to withhold my forgiveness?”  I did nothing to earn Jesus dying in my place.  It was a free gift of love.  Remember, God in Christ forgives you.  Lean on this truth as you seek to forgive those who have wronged you.  And remember, we don’t have to do this in our own strength…in fact, we can’t!  Pray for the Spirit to grant you peace as you forgive; and as you forgive, you will be filled with more peace.

Pursuing Peace Part II: Relationship Mini-Series

Day 2:

Discernment in speech: “A time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak.”  Ecclesiastes 3:7

If you’re familiar with the late great Kenny Rogers then you likely know this popular refrain: You gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, know when to run.  The Gambler was so wise.  There is indeed a time for everything, and this applies to how- and when- we engage with others.  This in turn correlates directly with our peace. 

As to the how, everything we say and do should be covered in grace and truth.  And let me be clear: we need both.  Speaking truth without grace will win over no one, and will only make us appear harsh and unloving.  Yet, grace without truth leads us to have relationships founded on shifting sand.  Jesus’ interactions with others was a perfect mixture of grace and truth.  So much so, that they could not be separated from one another.  As we read the words of our Savior, we can learn from and follow his great example.    

Then there’s the when.  Discernment is truly needed in this department!  With our spouses, children, and on social media, we have to carefully choose our battles.  As discussed above, in our homes both grace and truth must prevail.  But, there are times when we must discern what to make a topic of conversation and what we can let go of (at least for a time).  For example, if it’s a week I’m honing in on my daughter being responsible with putting away all the things she leaves scattered throughout the house,  I might choose to not also engage her in the battle of practicing the piano.  That battle can be fought another week.  

And now a special word about the when of social media.  I know it is beyond tempting to comment on posts we disagree with.  We want to tell people how wrong they are and how right we are!  We get emotionally charged and want to really lay it out there.  Snarky, sarcastic comments flow freely in our minds ready to be unleashed with every scroll.  But man, this does not lead to peace.  That momentary satisfaction will likely only result in more discord and warring.  A few weeks ago, I was in the beginning stages of writing part I of Pursuing Peace, and I was so tempted to make a comment on someone’s post.  I initially resisted the temptation but then scrolled back up to go for it.  But then I thought, “Seek peace and pursue it.”  I had to ask myself, “Is making this comment on facebook going to lead me to peace with this person? To peace within myself?”  The answer was a hard “no.”  So, I left it.  

For sure, there will be times and places to have hard discussions about difficult topics.  Pray for the Spirit to give you discernment as to when to boldly speak with truth and grace, and to know when to be silent. 

Pursuing Peace: Part II Relationship mini-series

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18

In my previous post I talked about the idea of pursuing peace by pursuing a mind governed by the Holy Spirit.  As we seek Him through prayer, worship, and the Word, we will be filled with His fruits: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.  All of these are invaluable as we are also called to live at peace with one another.  

Let me just say, this is hard stuff.  Sometimes it’s much more pleasant to focus on the vertical relationship- to fill our hearts and minds with God’s truth and love.  How easy it would be to just stop there!  But as we know that faith without works is dead (James 2:17), we know that it is not enough to just know and feel the peace of God, but to live it out- that is, to live peaceably with others.  

While this blog series is certainly not an exhaustive list of how to pursue peace in relationships, here are 6 truths to apply when interacting with family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, and even random strangers on social media. 

Day 1:

Refrain from Gossip: “A perverse person stirs up conflict, a gossip separates close friends.” Proverbs 16:28

It seems so innocent.  You hear something interesting about someone and you just want to share it with someone else- what could be so wrong with that?  Let me assure you…plenty.  Part of our sinful nature is to judge, scrutinize, and take pleasure in the misfortunes of others.  Sadly, we often get a small dose of guilty pleasure when we partake in gossip.  But oh, that’s so ugly, isn’t it? 

I don’t know about you, but whenever I engage in gossip it leaves me feeling full of both regret and disappointment in myself.  There is definitely not peace within, and I have done nothing to build up my relationship with the person who was the subject of my gossip.  The Bible repeatedly warns us to refrain from gossip and to use our words for the edification of others.  Committing to the use of only helpful words of encouragement is a step in the direction of living in peace.   When tempted to gossip or use hurtful words, ask yourself, “Are the words I’m about to speak helpful to pursuing peace with others?”  Above all, pray for the Spirit to guard your lips and to give you an increasing measure of self-control.

Pursuing Peace: Part I

During this year’s summer vacation it became more apparent than ever that I had turned a corner.  And honestly, it’s one I never thought I would see.  Ever since the start of junior high cross country conditioning in August of 1994 I have been a runner.  That means for every overnight trip I have ever taken during the last 26 years, my running shoes have gone with me without fail.  My husband of 16 years will vouch that running has been part of my agenda on every trip we’ve taken!  (This also means that for 16 years he has been annoyed by the way I tie my shoes to the strap of my duffel bag.)       

So imagine my surprise on the first morning of vacation when my husband asked if I was going for a run and I responded by saying, “Oh. No. I hadn’t even thought of that.”  The idea of a morning run had legitimately not crossed my mind.  But you know what did?  Silence.  Coffee.  Reading a devotional.  Over the last several months this has become the desire of my early morning heart.  

At first I thought this shift seemed strange, but it occurs to me now that the end result of both activities is the same- peace that comes from communion with God.  

In those quiet morning hours there is a calmness that is unlike any other part of the day; for whether I’m running the familiar roads of my hometown or reading at my kitchen table with a cup of coffee, my attention is turned to the things of God.  Peace ensues. 

Like many things in life, peace does not magically appear out of thin air.  Nor is it only experienced in the absence of trials, or limited to those glorious early morning hours.  How is it then that tranquility and freedom from disturbance is achieved?  After all, that’s the million dollar question, right?  Everyone wants to know how to have peace. 

Thankfully, Psalm 34:14 provides some great direction.  The Psalmist writes, “Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.”  I love that peace is hidden there amongst the verbs: seek and pursue.  These are action words.  And in them we have an open invitation to peace.   

When I think about seeking and pursuing, my mind is drawn to intentionality and diligence.  This was certainly true in my life as an athlete.  Whenever I was going after a goal, my focus was singular.  Every choice I made was made in light of that one pursuit.  

Imagine how our lives would be different if we sought peace with intentionality!  Only, first we need to be clear about the ultimate source of the peace we are to pursue.  Romans 8:6 states, “The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.”   

The Spirit of God.  This is Who we are to actively seek if we desire true peace.  We are to pursue the Spirit.  

So what does this look like?  How is this theological principle displayed in a practical sense? Let’s look at 3 powerful avenues: prayer, worship, and the Word. 

Prayer.  This is simply a time to talk to God- to praise and thank Him for His goodness and love, to surrender burdens, to bring forth repentance, and to present requests.  Although I have designated certain times of day to prayer (while my head is still on my pillow in the morning, for instance),  I love that prayer can happen any time, anywhere.  God always hears us and He delights in the prayers of His children.  No prayer is ever wasted, no matter the length. 

So how do we seek the Spirit through prayer?  I’ve found the easiest way is to simply ask.  Lately, I’ve been praying for the Spirit to fill me with wisdom and discernment.  God’s Spirit provides counsel and guidance, and I pray for this in increasing measure.  I also pray for the Spirit to fill me with passion for God’s Truth, which is His very Word.  When we ask God to fill us with more of His Spirit, He certainly will!  I strongly encourage you to pursue the Spirit in this way as you pray.

Worship.  Anything we give as an offering to God is worship, and this can look like many things!  We can offer our abilities, talents, and money as worship.  Worship also looks like the intentional offering of our affections and adoration.  For me, this often takes the form of music that is focused on the character and  promises of God.  Engaging my heart and mind through praise fills me with peace given by the Spirit.  Consider how incorporating worship into your daily routine might also increase your desire for the Spirit- and in turn, fill you with peace.   

The Word.  Psalm 119:160 says, “The entirety of your Word is Truth.”  Consider also the words of Hebrews 4:12: “The Word of God is living and active.”  The Spirit continuously moves through the pages of the Bible as we read, teaching and convicting.  This is why reading the Bible is a constant source of refreshment and edification!  I have also found the more I know God’s truth, the more my love for Him increases (which in turns leads my heart to worship).  As you read the Word, pray for the Spirit to reveal to you the truth of Scripture so that you can know more of Him. 

This is the foundation of life and peace- a mind governed by the Spirit.  Although God generously bestows His Spirit upon us and freely gives us peace, we are also invited to seek and pursue.  Let us intentionally and diligently seek the Spirit through prayer, worship, and the Word.     

Reflection Questions: 1) What are you seeking and pursuing right now?  2) What has been the result of this pursuit?  3)  How might your life be different if you intentionally pursued peace through the Spirit?  

*Part II will focus on pursuing peace through the Spirit in our relationships…stay tuned!

Spiritual Growth and Gifts

I wrote the following as a blog submission for Theophany Media, an online organization connecting the arts to spiritual formation and transformation.  Although this one was not accepted, my second submission was…so stay tuned for that publication!  

I thought I would share this one as a prompt- an invitation to reflect on the gifts God has given you.  If you are so inclined, I would love to hear in the comments how the gifts and skills God has given you have been a tool for your own spiritual formation and growth!  

I’ve never thought of myself as a “creative type.”  Seriously, art is definitely not in my skill set.  If I were ranking my favorite elementary school subjects I would put art near the bottom, just barely eeking out music class.  I’m terrible at decorating.   I’ve also never participated in theater or plays.  I know, I know.  That’s probably painful for many reading this to hear.  But please don’t misunderstand, I greatly admire anyone who has the abilities to draw, paint, create, or act.  I’m just saying those are not my gifts!  And while I may enjoy witnessing the above mentioned arts, I can’t say they have been instrumental in my spiritual formation.  Now, words on the other hand…that’s a different story.

In my mind, there are two things I hold as the highest form of beauty.  The first is the stride of an elegant runner with perfect form and a magnificent turnover.  This truly is an absolute glory to behold!  The second, is a beautifully constructed sentence.   They melt me.  I marvel at a great work of literature in the same manner I do an elite marathoner.  Something about both of these move me in a way I can’t explain.  

Perhaps these things stir my soul because they are a display of the glory of God.  As we are created in His image, any degree of talent or ability we possess if a gift from Him- and this only as a mere reflection of a fraction of His glory.  I am amazed at the ability to run and to write because I know the source of these gifts is God Himself; and knowing this makes me love and adore Him even more.    

As you may have guessed, I am a runner myself.  I began at age 12 and have never stopped.  I’m far from elite, but to borrow the famous words of Eric Liddell, “God made me fast. And when I run, I feel His pleasure.”  Indeed.  I have not only felt this, but have been formed by this for the past 26 years.  

Although writing is newer to me, it is the only other activity that has ever come close to how I feel spiritually when I run.  When I write about the things of God and His truth, I feel His Spirit move in an unparalleled way.  With both activities, it’s as though I feel most like “me” when I’m doing them; as if I am who God created me to be. 

I know I will never be an Olympic runner or a New York Times Best Seller.  Both of these truths are perfectly fine with me.  I  take great delight in the gifts God has given me in the measures He has chosen to give them; for is through these gifts I have come to know more of Himself.  And by that measure, the gifts He has given me are priceless.   

Nothing But the Blood: Part II

As I was thinking through the writing of this post and the significance of the mercy seat, two times the word wineskin came to mind.  The first time I shrugged it off as a random thought, but the second instance was harder to shake: I had woken up one morning and my very first thought was wineskin.  I knew then it was time to give this topic some serious attention as this was not a random thought, but rather, an important tie-in for this post. I have to admit, my knowledge of wineskins was pretty limited (ok, practically non-existent).  However, the more I studied, the more I uncovered the goodness of God as He lead me to this sweet connection.  

As the name somewhat implies, wineskins were made from the skin of a goat or sheep, (or an ox or camel if necessary).  Here is what I didn’t quite understand: New wine continues to ferment and build up pressure.  If placed in an old wineskin, this process would burst the old skin.  Even with my limited knowledge, I certainly know that wine on the ground is bad news for everyone!  Thus the reason new wine needs to be placed in new wineskins. 

This makes Jesus’ response to the Pharisees’ question about the disciples make much more sense.   In Matthew chapter 9, the religious leaders were very concerned about the fact that the disciples did not fast.  In the Old Testament, fasting showed contrition and penitence and was associated with piety.  These leaders were bent on keeping the old ways of the law, and looked down on anyone who didn’t do likewise.  They wanted to know what the deal was with these Jesus followers and why they weren’t adhering to the rules.  

Jesus first explained his answer by using an analogy of a wedding party, making the point that the guests do not mourn (or fast) while the bridegroom is still in their presence.  Then in verse 17 Jesus makes this statement: “Neither do men pour new wine into old wineskins.  If they do, the skins will burst, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined.  No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.”  

So what does this mean?  What is the significance of the new wineskin He speaks of?  Amazingly, Jesus was telling us about Himself- telling us that He is the bridegroom and the New we all need.  For soon, there would be no need for sin offerings or burnt offerings.  Even the mercy seat of old would become obsolete; for Jesus would become the meeting place of God and His people.  

Simply put, in order to receive Him as Savior and King, the old system was to be abandoned.  It was no longer needed, and had no place mixing with the new.  

And what was this new? It was something so radical. So unbelievable.  So incredibly beautiful.  It was Jesus, the Son of God, dying in our place as the ultimate and final sacrifice.  The most costly sacrifice of all, given completely, for sinners.  Who could have imagined this?  Holy, perfect, blameless, righteous blood poured out as the propitiation for our sin.  Not the blood of an animal, but the priceless blood of Jesus Christ.  In our place, He received all of God’s holy wrath.  It was there, on the hill of Calvary, that God’s perfect justice and incomprehensible love abounded.  

And like the goat running in the wilderness, the blood of Jesus took away our sin.  But unlike the goat, this was for all of time.  On the cross Jesus said, “It is finished,” (John 19:30).  Final.  Once and for all.  Jesus, with outspread arms on that rugged and bloody cross was the final sacrifice- the only sacrifice- needed for the removal of sin.  Hebrews 9:26-28 says, “But now he has appeared once for all at the end of the ages to do away with sin by the sacrifice of himself.  Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment, so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people.”  Glorious expiation. 

This blood ushered in the New Covenant, making it possible for all who believe in the name of Jesus to come to the Father.  Even more amazing, this new covenant has the power to purify one’s conscience.  Because the blood of Jesus completely dismantles the power of sin and its effects, we are left clean.  No animal’s blood could ever accomplish this.  As stated in Hebrews 9:14, “How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!”  We are cleaned, forgiven, and freed from guilt.  Our Accuser has lost all power.   

Within the New Covenant we have been remade and given a new nature (2 Corinthians 5:17).  No longer do we have hearts of stone, but hearts of flesh.  We are no longer enemies of God, but His friend and His beloved.  Only the blood of Jesus can do this.  Only His blood can change the inner nature of man.  

This New Covenant, which was ratified by the blood of Christ, was sealed by His resurrection.  Jesus not only gave His life, but He conquered death as well!  Complete victory was His.  And as we are in Christ, that victory is ours now too.  Oh to have witnessed the most spectacular scene in all of history: The empty tomb hosting two angels, one at each end of the stone bench- reminiscent of the two cherubim at each end of the Ark of the Covenant.  The New had come.     

Indeed, Jesus and the cross is our new mercy seat.  For it is through this sacrifice that God can now meet with His people- with us.  Covered by the blood of Jesus, we can stand in perfect righteousness before a holy God, forgiven and uncondemned.  No more curtains.  No more rams, bulls, or goats.  Nothing but the blood of Jesus, the new wineskin.  

Our God truly is the Father of all mercies.  Of the mercies bestowed on us daily, reminding us of His goodness, presence, and love.  And of the mercy He gave to us through the Lamb of God, who is Heaven’s mercy seat and our Savior, Jesus Christ.  

May our hearts bow down and worship the One to whom we owe everything.  And may our love for Him deepen with each day He graciously gives us.   

*The Way by Pat Barrett (from Part I)

Resources used for the writing of Part I and II:

ESV Reformation Study Bible 

Ligonier.org 

Tabletalk Magazine (April 2019) 

Gotquestions.org

Jcblog.net 

Bibleref.com 

Nothing But the Blood: Part I

Several months ago, the topic of the mercy seat came to my mind for a potential blog post.  As you’ll see, a recent event lead to a connection with this, which I thought was pretty cool.  Then God placed another word in my mind; a word I knew I was to pair with the mercy seat.  I had no idea exactly how these two ideas connected to one another, but I knew somehow they did.  As I researched these topics, God ushered me deeper into the truth of His perfect provision for our greatest need.  I pray this post will lead you, as it did me, to more knowledge and more love for our God and our Savior. 

It was one of those grumpy quarantine days fueled by gloomy weather.  My son and I were both feeling it.  He had been a little on the mopey side but couldn’t quite articulate what was wrong.  I could relate.  Around 7:30pm I found him upstairs laying on his bed and listening to the radio.  That looked like a great idea to me.  I curled up beside him and for several minutes focused on the lyrics filling his bedroom.  Those moments were just what my soul needed.  Peace. Stillness. Truth.  

One song in particular was a wave of refreshment: 

It’s a new horizon, I’m set on you.  And you meet me here today with mercies that are new.  All my fears and doubts, they can all come too…because they can’t stay long when I’m here with you.*

A few hours later I settled into my own bed.  I read a short devotional, and as I turned off the light, the above lyrics floated back into my mind. With mercies that are new.  That truth was a breath of fresh air mixed with peace and love.  With my head on my pillow, I thought of Lamentations 3:22-23, which speaks of God’s mercies being new every morning.  I had to smile because it was now after 10:30 at night.  While the morning indeed brings fresh mercies, in that moment I felt grateful that God’s mercies show up at any time of the day.

Mercies.  Those acts of kindness, compassion, and favor given to us by God.  Acts we are so undeserving of.  Even after a day of irritability, selfishness, and ingratitude, He still lovingly reminds us of His goodness and unfailing love.  He does this through His Spirit and His Word, through our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, and even, through songs.  His mercies are displayed in a million different ways.  

Over the next few days I reflected on the above mentioned night and the deep meaning of mercy.  And then it hit me: for months the words mercy seat had been patiently waiting their turn at the top of my “blog idea list.”  What perfect timing. For not only is mercy comprised of acts of kindness, but it is also defined as “compassion or forgiveness toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm.”  In short,  it is not receiving what is justly deserved.  Every soul is in need of mercy because all have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory (Romans 3:23); and the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23). Our only hope is in the kindness of a Savior.  

Amazingly, we see a glimpse of this hope in the months following the exodus- that glorious deliverance of the Israelites from 400 years of Egyptian slavery.  Yet, this was only the beginning of their story.  Imagine, even after centuries of slavery, what the Israelites really needed was a better deliverance; for they, like us, needed forgiveness of sin, and reconciliation with their Creator.  To this end, God instructed them in the ways of sacrifice and offerings.  This was an elaborate- yet necessary- system which required the blood of animals.  Necessary, because as we learned in the Garden of Eden, sin separates us from God and results in spiritual death.  And without the shedding of blood, there is no forgiveness of sin (Hebrews 9:22).  

If you would like to learn more about the sacrifices of the law, the book of Leviticus is an excellent read.  But for now, I want to focus on two pivotal offerings: the sin offering, and the burnt offering. 

The burnt offering was made by killing an animal from a herd or flock, such as a bull.  In this act, the worshiper would place his hands on the victim’s head, symbolizing his identification with the animal.  This gave full acknowledgment that the animal represented himself, and that he, the worshiper, was deserving of death.  The animal’s substitute death (known as propitiation) satisfied God’s wrath.  If you’re wondering about the necessity of God’s wrath, I think the following is a wonderful explanation: 

“For God to maintain His justice, He must punish sin.  To forgive at the expense of His just wrath would be inconsistent with His character; according to His holiness, those who have sinned must die.” (ligonier.org)

The animal became the substitute which covered the sinner from God’s holy wrath (this is known as atonement). This bloody ordeal was a beautiful gift of God’s mercy- for now fellowship was possible between God and His people.  

Although the burnt offering satisfied the wrath of God, it did not purify the worshiper.  Enter the sin offering.  The sin offering is best thought of as a purification offering and was made by killing a young bull, ram, or goat.  The blood from this sacrifice was used to purify the sanctuary so that the worshiper could stand in the presence of God.  The sin offering was a sacrifice of expiation- the removal of sin’s pollution. 

I briefly bring up these two sacrifices as a way to offer insight to what I really want to talk about- The Day of Atonement.  This was a special day that happened once a year when atonement was made for all the sins of Israel.  The day in which communion with God was renewed.  This was done through both the sin and burnt offerings.  On this day, a burnt offering would be made in which a ram would be sacrificed.  Of note, this was a costly sacrifice because meat was a valuable commodity.  Every part of the ram (except the skin) was consumed by the flames in the burnt offering.  The ram represented Israel and was the propitiation for their sins.  

The second part of the Day of Atonement was the sin offering.  On this day, two male goats were utilized- one for sacrifice, whose blood would be spread on the mercy seat.  

Ahhhh the mercy seat.  This was the lid of the Ark of the Covenant and the place where God came to be seated among His people.  Located in the Most Holy Place behind the curtain of the tabernacle, it was from here God’s mercy was dispensed to man through the blood of the atoning sacrifice.  In Exodus 25:22 the mercy seat is described: “There, above the cover between the two cherubim that are over the ark of the covenant law, I will meet with you and give you all my commands for the Israelites.”  The mercy seat- where God met with His people, and where mercy flowed abundantly from the sacrificial blood. 

In case you were wondering about the purpose of the second goat of the sin offering, don’t worry…I’m not about to leave you high and dry.  It was perhaps twelve years ago when I first learned about these two goats, and I can still remember sitting in the pew and thinking, “How have I never known this? This is amazing!” The second goat made atonement through being a scapegoat.  As the first goat, this goat also represented Israel and symbolically carried all of Israel’s sins.  But this goat was not to be sacrificed- this goat was to be sent into the wilderness to signify that Israel’s sins had been removed.  This goat brings tears to my eyes.  

Can you see it all unfolding?  Can you hear the bleets of the goats and the ram? Can you see the slaughter of these animals of propitiation and the bloody hands of the priest? Do you envision the blood dripping down from the mercy seat?   Can you see the goat of expiation, running free in the wilderness symbolically carrying away the sin of God’s people?  All of it was necessary.  All of it was needed for atonement and restoration of a right relationship with God.  

And just like the Israelites, we are in need of the same.  But unlike the Israelites, we have something better; something that can purify our conscience.  As amazing as the Old Covenant system of sacrifice was, the Day of Atonement and the significance of the mercy seat was only a shadow- a mere copy- of what was to come…  

The Battle to Decrease

“There is no win in comparison.”  A few years ago our church went through a sermon series entitled “The Comparison Trap.”  Since then, the above opening statement has echoed in my mind any time I start to compare myself (or my life) with others.  Still.  Some days it’s a challenge not to be swept away with covetousness, jealousy, and envy.  

Those are some pretty ugly words, and I hate to even put them in print.  But unfortunately, that is the reality of my sinful heart at times…and the reason I’m writing this post right now.  I don’t usually struggle with jealousy of material items but the other night as my husband and I walked past some big beautiful old houses (my weakness) I couldn’t help but feel a painful twinge of dissatisfaction with our own home.  Looking at the nicer neighborhoods, paved driveways, and larger yards suddenly made our current residence seem quite inadequate.  

But comparison doesn’t just stop at the material.  Oh no, it shows up big time for me when I see someone else with personal qualities I admire.  Qualities I wish I possessed.  It even rears its ugly head when it comes to my relationships with other people.  Unsurprisingly, moments spent in comparison leave me feeling weak, insecure, and to use the word from above, inadequate.  Definitely not a win.  

Where does this ugliness come from?  What is at the root of it all? I reflected and prayed about these questions during my walk this morning.  Along quiet familiar streets under a freshly risen sun, one word came to mind: pride.  

Of course.  The love of self glorification.  A sinful tale as old as the garden of Eden.  Why else would I feel discontent with a home that has literally everything I need and more…a  home the vast majority of the world’s population would love to inhabit.  Would something bigger with more beauty add to the love and laughter of our existing home?   I know the answer is a resounding “No.”   

When it comes to envying the personal attributes of others, pride is without a doubt the underlying factor.  I want to be recognized as smart, engaging, funny, wise, beautiful, and talented.  I want to be sought after by my friends, a favorite of all.  Whew.  I’m putting it all out there with this one.  But this has been my struggle over the last few weeks.

All of these thoughts roamed through my mind as I continued to walk.  When I rounded the corner to my street, lyrics from a Jeremy Camp song played in my head: 

Holy Father, burn away my desire for anything that is not of you, and is of me; I want more of you and less of me.  Empty me, empty me.  Fill me with you, with you.     

Isn’t that the answer to all of our pride?  More of Jesus and less of us.  To love his glory more than our own.  

John the Baptist did this really well.  Before Jesus began his ministry, John was the voice in the wilderness crying out, preparing the way of the Lord; the one proclaiming the good news of the coming Messiah.  Some viewed this wild, camel hair wearing, locust eating man as crazy- but he sure could draw a crowd.  People came to him to be baptized.  He was kind of a big deal.  But at the end of John chapter 3 we see how he responded to his followers’ concern about the attention Jesus was drawing.  (They saw Jesus as a threat, as someone who was taking followers away from John.)  But John said to them in verse 30, “He must increase, I must decrease.”      

John knew his role.  And he knew his role because he understood who he was and who God was.   So often we get this backwards.  We forget which one of us needs to decrease.  In our pride we falsely believe that our greatest happiness will be achieved when we are made much of.  But what did John say about this?  In verse 29 he gave an example of the joy experienced when a friend is about to be married.  On the day of the wedding, great joy is found in admiring and delighting in the bride and groom, rather than in oneself.  Likewise, John (speaking of Jesus) said,  “That joy is mine, and it it now complete.”  Truly, our greatest joy comes from the glorification and exaltation of our Savior. 

Over this past week I have listened to the above mentioned song several times, often in the morning while getting ready for work.  I’ve also spent time in prayer asking God to empty me of my pride.  And in moments of wrestling with doubt and insecurity, He has lovingly reminded me through His Spirit and His Word, to turn my eyes on Jesus.  What joy and relief this has brought- for when my eyes are on him, they are not on myself or the things of this world.    

I heard a pastor once say, “Your destination is as glorious as your god.”  How true that is.  When I let my pride go unchecked, comparison and envy are quick to take hold.  Undoubtedly, the destination of the “god of self” is despair.  But the destination of a holy, righteous, and perfect God is eternity with Him forever and sanctification on earth now. 

Galatians 5:1 tells us that it is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Yes, freedom from the guilt of sin so that we can stand uncondemned before the Creator of the universe.  But through Christ we also have freedom from the bondage of sin here on earth- freedom from comparison, envy, and pride.  When our eyes are fixed on Jesus, we are filled with overwhelming joy, gratitude, and contentment, with a desire to see him glorified rather than ourselves.  As John Piper so famously said, “He is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.”  Let us then, like John the Baptist, know our role as we strive daily to make him known by finding our deepest satisfaction in him. May He ever increase as we decrease.

Grace in the Good Work of Parenting

There’s nothing like parenting to stretch the bounds of one’s patience, love, and in general, emotional control. My husband and I were blessed with two children, one boy and one girl.  And while we love them equally beyond words, one of them has definitely tested these bounds more than the other.  In fact, when I was asked to speak at a parenting seminar for a local church in the spring of 2019 it was my experience with said child that inspired my topic.  

I was excited for the opportunity to speak, but in order to prepare my presentation I first needed to write about it for myself.  I’ve always known I learn well by reading, but over the last year  and a half I’ve come to  realize that writing has been a powerful way for me to learn and grow both spiritually and personally.  Plus, there’s something about writing words that creates a sense of accountability to carry them out.  

So what did I write and speak about?  Parenting with truth and grace.  Essentially, how to respond to your child in those really difficult moments.  You know the moments.  The moments that leave you (and your child) feeling defeated, frustrated, and angry.  I talked about the need in such moments for discipline to be done out of love and with a teaching spirit- to not shy away from communicating truth.  And of equal importance, how grace brings restoration to these broken moments.  This has been an ongoing lesson in our home for the last 9 years.  I am by no means a perfect parent and I have failed over and over again in my responses to tantrums, defiance, and poor attitudes- but by the grace of God He enables me in some moments to extend grace to the ones who call me “Mom.”  In particular, to the youngest child.     

I had such a moment about a week ago.  I won’t go into all the details out of respect for my son’s privacy, but it was an instance in which his temper and subsequent behavior left me feeling extremely frustrated, and honestly, disappointed.  Additionally, my emotions were intensified due to the fact that this had been a replay of a scenario which had occurred 4 months prior.  Exact same situation.  And let me tell you, that had been a big deal. 

With the first incident I was very direct and spoke some hard truths my son needed to hear (after first taking time to ensure I was calm and thinking through what I was going to say).  This had lead to an evening of tears and repentance on my son’s part in a way that was unprecedented.  My husband and I were shocked by how he had responded because this was seriously unlike anything we had ever seen from him!  And while there was definitely grace extended that night as well, truth had been the main teacher. 

So here we were again.  I sat on the couch mindlessly scrolling through facebook as I collected my thoughts about the best approach to take this time.  I wanted to lecture.  But I knew he knew what there was to be said.  The talk we had four months ago was impactful enough that there would be no point of saying it all again. He knew he had been in the wrong.  I also knew he was mad at himself and that he was likely feeling ashamed.  As I walked up the stairs to his room the word grace came to mind.  With each step I silently repeated this word- and felt myself inwardly soften.          

I gently knocked on the door and walked into his room.  I was greeted with a familiar scowl as he laid on the floor half propped up by the large Cubs pillow he had gotten for Christmas this year.  I had brought his bedtime things from downstairs- his favorite Cubs blanket, a stuffed shark, and a cup of water.  Without saying a word I lovingly made his bed and placed the water on his nightstand.  I pulled a blanket over him and laid down beside him on the floor.  I could feel his frustrated and angry tension as I laid there with my arm overlapping his.  After a few moments of silence I got up and turned on his radio to play his favorite Christian music station.  I then turned off the lights, leaving on his star-lamp nightlight.  Although no verbal words were spoken, I walked out of his room hoping the message of grace was communicated loud and clear.     

I thank God that He uses my imperfect grace as I parent my children.  But even more so, I thank Him for His matchless grace.  The grace I give fluctuates and is limited.  His is infinite and perfect.  As I laid beside my son in the middle of his anger, shame, and frustration, I wondered if it was a small picture of how God lovingly and patiently sits with us in our wreckage; of how He is moved with compassion at the sight of His children’s pain; of how he is near and full of love even when our hearts are angry and hardened.   

Later that night I sat again with my son, this time on his bed.  His head was on his pillow and his brown eyes were filled with tears.  As we talked he expressed words of sorrow and regret and I words of (what I hope were) grace and truth.  I kissed his forehead when I told him goodnight and could feel his sadness.  Although I felt a great deal of compassion for what he was experiencing, I also knew that it was a necessary part of repentance and growth.  Romans 2:4 tells us that the kindness of God leads to repentance.  I would like to think the same is true when we parent with grace.       

The next day as we sat on his bedroom floor working on a puzzle I asked him how he was feeling about the previous night.  He said he felt better.  At that time I had just finished writing last week’s blog post, The Remedy for Discouragement, and was able to share with him what I had written about God’s grace.  Those were definitely some of my favorite moments of the week.  While it’s important that my son experiences grace from myself and his dad, it’s everything to me that he knows and experiences the grace of the God who created him.      

Without a doubt, raising children is a hard business.  In times of parental frustration and distress may we ever stay mindful of God’s grace to us in our salvation, in the everyday blessings of life, and in our failures.  As we recognize the outpouring of His grace to us, grace will overflow from our hearts into the lives of our children and those around us.  We won’t always get it right, but in those broken moments we can take heart: For if we, imperfect parents know how to give grace to our children, how much more does our perfect Heavenly Father give grace to us?*  As our Father, He is heaping grace upon us even when we feel we have blown it.  Let us then relentlessly draw near to the God of all grace who has given us all things at all times, so that having all that we need, we will abound in every good work.**

* from Matthew 7:11

**from 2 Corinthians 9:8 

***For more on my presentation about parenting with truth and grace, check out my interview (Part I, II, & III) on Julie Rupp’s podcast, Parenting Tomorrow’s Leaders.  You can find the link under the media section of this website or at parentingtomorrowsleaders.com  

The Remedy for Discouragement

Although we’re only one week removed from Easter, today’s post comes from a seed of inspiration planted this past Christmas.  Strange timing? Maybe. Or, perhaps there’s no time like the present to connect these two seasons.  

It’s a Wonderful Life is a classic Christmas movie loved by many for the last 7 decades.  I hadn’t seen it for quite some time and was thrilled to watch it with my family this past holiday season. It was the first viewing for both my kids (then 11 and 8) and I was so happy they enjoyed it.  For those who may not be familiar (or if it’s been awhile) the story begins with the introduction of Clarence, the angel who is to intervene in the life of George Bailey. Clarence, eager to earn his wings, is told by God of a man on earth in need of help.  He responds by asking God if the man is sick. God answers, “No, worse.  He’s discouraged.”   

That answer resonated with me that night.  Although nobody enjoys experiencing a sickness of any kind, to be downtrodden in spirit is indeed a worse woe.

Discouragement is defined as the loss of confidence or enthusiasm.  In short, dispiritedness. How does this happen? What is it that leads us to this barren state of being?  Often the culprit comes in the form of unmet expectations or not making progress with goals despite great effort. Certainly, discouragement can creep it’s way into every aspect of our lives- financial, relational, occupational, spiritual, emotional, and  physical. And while there are varying degrees to which one feels discouraged, there is one central theme: A loss of hope. 

For instance, we lose hope that a relationship can be mended, that our bank account will be sufficient, that our ailments will be healed, or that we will obtain a sense of purpose and fulfillment in life.  We even lose hope in the goodness and faithfulness of God. When there is no perceivable light at the end of the tunnel and all seems lost, discouragement resides within us. Such was the case with George Bailey.  He could see no hope for the future and came to believe it would have been better if he had never been born. This certainly demonstrates the ultimate depth of disheartedness.  

Additionally, the voice of discouragement yields destruction by breeding doubt, uncertainty, and fear.   If you have experienced these effects, know you are in good company- for so did John the Baptist, Peter, and Thomas.

John the Baptist.  This was the man who announced to the world, “Behold, the Lamb who takes away the sins of the the world,” (John 1:29).  The man who proclaimed he was unworthy to untie the sandal straps of Jesus.  The man who held the Son of Man in his arms as he simultaneously heard the voice of God and saw the Holy Spirit.  This man, steeped in prison discouragement, doubted. So much so that he asked the disciples to ask Jesus, “Are you the one who is to come, or should we expect someone else?” (Matthew 11:3). Those words could only have been spoken out of deep uncertainty and despair. 

In the wake of Jesus’ arrest in the garden of Gethsemane, Peter, the disciple who had boldly declared he would always stay by Jesus’ side, denied him three times.  Peter, although he had a strong love and devotion for his lord, failed to grasp the true reason for Jesus coming to the world. It was Peter’s great hope that Jesus would overturn the power of the Romans and thereby grant freedom to the Jews.  He did not comprehend that Jesus came to offer a better freedom- freedom from sin. When Jesus did not resist arrest by the Roman guards, Peter’s discouragement- his unmet expectations- lead him to fear for his life and deny his Savior.  

In between the crucifixion and the resurrection laid the second day.  Jesus was dead and buried and those who had been following him for three years were left in the wake of discouragement and angst.  Despite the prophetic words Jesus had spoken about his return, nobody expected an empty grave. Upon hearing of his resurrection from the dead, Thomas stated he would only believe if he were to touch the hands and side of Jesus.  Bitter discouragement prevented belief.   

Have you felt the same? Can you relate to George Bailey, John the Baptist, Peter, and Thomas? I think at some point and time we all can.  Ecclesiastes 1:9 tells us there is nothing new under the sun and what has been will be again. Nobody is immune to discouragement and its ugly effects.  And while discouragement may at times be inevitable, there is a remedy: Hope and Grace. 

Grace.  Unmerited favor bestowed upon sinners by a holy and loving God.  Freely given and completely unearned. Instead of a harsh condemning lecture, Jesus responded to John the Baptist by saying to his disciples, “Go and tell John what you hear and see: the blind receive their sight and the lame walk, lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear, and the dead are raised up, and the poor have good news preached to them.  And blessed is the one who is not offended by me,” (Matthew 11:4-6).  He could have rolled his eyes and scoffed at John the Baptist for losing faith.  Instead, Jesus extended grace with a hope saturated reply. 

Then there was Peter.  I can’t imagine the anguish he felt the day Jesus was crucified.  The guilt that must have consumed him after leaving the one he loved must have been unbearable.  How the tears must have fallen when he heard the rooster crow. Instant shame and sorrow. At the announcement of Jesus’ resurrection what ran through his mind?  What must he have felt? Joy? Hope? Most likely. But I’m sure there was also a great sense of anxiety about facing the one he denied. Perhaps he was expecting Jesus to say, “Peter, how could you?” Or, “Didn’t I tell you that you would deny me?!”  Or, maybe worse, “Peter I want no part of you.”  Instead, Jesus simply asked him if he loved him– three times.  For each denial, Jesus gave Peter glorious and gracious redemption.  

What was the response to “Doubting Thomas?”  Jesus could have ignored him or chided him for his lack of faith.  But when he appeared to Thomas a week after his resurrection, he said to him, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe,” (John 20:27).  He honored Thomas’ request.  We aren’t told what Thomas does next, only that he said, “My Lord and my God!”  Undoubtedly, Jesus’ grace to Thomas strengthened his faith for the rest of his life.    

And with us.  In the midst of our discouragement, Jesus invites us to lean hard into his infinite grace.  When we’re swimming in the waters of fear, doubt, and uncertainty we can be sure he will extend the same grace to us as he did to our brothers in Christ discussed above.  Grace that increases our faith and restores us from the valley of guilt and shame. Grace that bids us to love him and trust his promises. Grace that is forever sufficient.    

Finally, true and lasting hope extinguishes the flames of discouragement.  Far too often we place our hope in the things of this world: money, jobs, status, relationships, and health.  We are blessed to be stewards of these things but they are not to be our greatest treasure; for when we make them so, we create a misplaced hope- and misplaced hope always leads to despair.  It seems David, the Old Testament poet and king, reminded himself of this truth when he wrote: “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God,” (Psalm 42:5).  Because God never fails us, our hope in Him will never be in vain.  

And yet, there’s good news still; for the intersection of Christmas and Easter is our ultimate hope.  The birth, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus made a way for sinners like us to become sons and daughters of God, complete with an inheritance that is imperishable and undefiled.  This beautiful and unchanging truth is the source of our hope even in the depths of discouragement.  

To be sure, there will be days when all feels lost.  In those times, we can rest soundly in the grace of God and in the hope of our Savior.  And when needed, we can read these words and take heart: “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.”  These are the words written by a man who would know- a man forever changed by the grace and hope of Jesus.  You can find them in 1 Peter 5:10.