I’m not really sure why, but I often think about some morbid topics in my every day life- maybe because of my profession, or the constant stream of sadness in the news, or maybe because I feel the need to prepare myself for tragedy. Whatever the reason, I was thinking of these things on a late Sunday afternoon run and praying that God would give me strength and faith to accept whatever was to come my way in the future. I was thinking in terms of some ultimate trauma like losing my spouse or a child, or even experiencing something like the Holocaust (like I said, my mind goes to some deep places sometimes). It may not sound like it, but it really was a nice run! I came home to a homemade pizza made by my daughter and we all sat cozily in the living room eating our dinner and watching a movie. At one point I heard my phone buzz rapid fire style but chose to ignore it until we finished our family time.
Turns out at the end of those message notifications was some really tragic news. The kind of news that makes you instantly deny its truth…until you realize that no, that terrible thing really did happen. Even as I’m writing this I think I’m still in a state of disbelief. While the news did not involve a personal friend or family member, the circumstance was such that it brought me to many tears and left me thinking, Ok God…..Why??? Nothing about what had happened made sense. Not one iota.
Over the last 24 hours my mind has has come to rest on the truth of Isaiah 55:9: “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” In light of yesterday’s news and the trials of the future yet to be endured, this is what I must cling to. I have to remember that I can only see in part while God sees in full. And that is so hard because I want to know God’s ultimate purpose now. I want to see how He’s going to use this for His glory now. Because it doesn’t make sense to me…and I want an explanation. Ahhhhh. But then I remember who I am and who God is and I focus my mind on the above mentioned verse. I surrender to the fact that some things I’m not meant to know.
I’m sure there were many people in the Bible who never really knew the extent of God’s plans. While the Apostle Paul could see the fruits of his labor while he lived, he had no way to know the magnitude of influence his writings would have on the Christian Church. And I’m guessing Zacchaeus and the woman caught in adultery couldn’t possible understand how their seemingly small interactions with Jesus would communicate the depths of his love for lost sinners for centuries to come. Now we know in part, but someday we will know in full (1 Corinthians 12:12). Until then, we go on in full assurance of faith that God is good, faithful, just, and most importantly, love. It is not lost on me that I was praying for strength to accept God’s will on that run. I’m in awe that during those miles God was already at work lovingly preparing my heart- which shows just how good and faithful He is. I praise God that indeed, His ways are not my ways, and His thoughts are not my thoughts.