Why Do We Gossip?
Yesterday we looked at the power of our words, why gossip is detestable to God, and the effects of gossip on our relationships. Today we turn our attention to the why of gossip. I briefly mentioned in the first lesson that women are attracted to gossip because we are relationally centered. And yet, there are often other factors at play when it comes to why we engage in gossip. These are worth understanding so that we can appropriately respond to them as they arise. Let’s consider 3 factors along with their biblical response.
1) Anger. Have you ever heard the expression, “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em?” The cycle of gossip can be like that. Maybe someone says something unkind about you- or worse, untrue! What’s your first instinct? If you’re anything like me, it might be to say something equally unkind or untrue. But what does this lead to? Most likely, it’s the setup for an ongoing back and forth of malicious speech. Gossiping out of spite or for revenge is not the way to a peace filled life. And it’s not the way God intends His children to live. So what do we do? How do we handle our feelings of anger and our desire for revenge?
First, let’s acknowledge there are times when we should feel anger! When someone hurts us or others, anger is a justified and righteous response. However, we still need to act in wisdom! This means our first line of defense should be prayer. After all, we can tell God when we’re angry, hurt, and frustrated! We can also ask him for wisdom to handle the situation well. James 3:17 describes the kind of wisdom God gives…and it’s way better than anything we could produce on our own!
Once we’ve prayed (and are in a calmer frame of mind) we can think through how and when to address the person we’re angry with. Then, we can go to the person directly to respectfully express our thoughts and feelings. Is it possible the person might reject us or continue to treat us poorly? Absolutely! But their response is out of our control. Remember, we are responsible for how we communicate- not for how they respond. Regardless of the outcome of the conversation, we are called to forgive them as Christ has forgiven us (Colossians 3:13). This means we don’t hold what they did against them and we don’t seek revenge. As Romans 12 reminds us, vengeance belongs to the Lord, not us! Rather, we are to overcome evil with good (Romans 12:19, 21).
2) Acceptance. I mentioned this reason in the first lesson, but basically this is the idea that we gossip because we want to be “in the know.” We want to fit in! When everyone around us is doing it, it seems like we must follow suit in order to be accepted and included. Because let’s face it…nobody likes to feel left out of a conversation! Yet, it’s better to be left out and honor God than to gossip for temporary inclusion.
So how do we combat this desire for peer acceptance? By reminding ourselves of who we are. And who we are is God’s child, His daughter! Who we are is united with Christ! What He thinks of us is much more important than the opinions of our friends and peers. In his letter to the church at Philippi, the Apostle Paul wrote that “to live is Christ and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21). Later in the chapter he also stated that he counts all things as rubbish compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:8). Like Paul, we must value Christ above all things- we must treasure him more than we treasure the acceptance of others.
3) Affection. Want to know an ugly truth? We also gossip because we love it. There’s something about it that is pleasurable to us. In other words, it’s a sin we very much enjoy! Proverbs 18:8 describes it this way: “The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body.” That sure is descriptive- and accurate. In our sinful flesh we love to take in all the juicy details about others’ lives; and we especially love it when others agree with us about how awful we find someone to be. This my friends, is the ugliness of our sin nature.
To overcome our affection for gossip we need to see this sin as clearly as God does. We need to detest it. In fact, Romans 12:9 tells us that we are to hate what is evil! And a great way to develop hatred for sin is to start with prayer. Ask God to help you hate the sin of gossip. Ask Him to help you see it as something despicable; that it may be something from which you derive no joy. Additionally, we can pray the last part of Romans 12:9 in which Paul instructs us to cling to what is good. Pray that God would fill you with a desire to love only what He has deemed good!
Reflection:
Which of the 3 reasons for gossip did you most connect with?
Which of the verses mentioned in this lesson challenged your thinking? How might it help you with the reason you identified above?
Action:
What action is God prompting you to take regarding anger, acceptance, or affection?
Write out your identified verse from above on a notecard. Commit to memorizing it this week!
Prayer:
Take a moment to confess to God regarding anger, acceptance, and affection. Ask Him to fill you with heavenly wisdom (James 3:17) and to fill you with a desire to cling to the good.
nicolebyrum.com 