The development of discipline has come up in many of my sessions as of late. Most people, myself included, desire to begin (and keep!) good habits. The desire is not the issue- nor is the knowledge that such disciplines are needed and good. The issue is the follow through, the act of actually being disciplined and doing the beneficial thing. So the million dollar question becomes, “How does one develop discipline?” As I’ve thought and reflected on this topic, it struck me that before discipline can take hold, self-control must take root.
At first glance, self-control and discipline might appear to be two words with the same meaning. However, there is a difference between the two! Whereas discipline is about creating and sustaining a healthy habit, self-control is about denying instant gratification. It’s about being able to see past the immediate moment and act for the benefit of the future. This is difficult! It’s no wonder self-control is a fruit of the Spirit- something that we can’t produce (ironically) within ourselves- more on that in a bit.
When I consider why self-control is so important, I can’t help but think of Scripture. Proverbs 25:28 says, “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” What a picture that paints! A city without walls is unguarded, unsafe, and open to attack. And when we lack self-control, the same is true of us. Caving into our fleshly and momentary desires only leads to habits and lifestyles that ultimately become our ruin.
So let’s think about how this plays out in our everyday lives. Say you want to be disciplined to work out regularly. Before the daily habit of waking early or going to the gym can begin, it will first require us to deny something within ourselves- to put off the instant gratification of extra sleep or the comfort of staying put on the couch. The same could be said of developing the habit of Bible reading and prayer. We may first have to delay the instant gratification of checking something off of our to-do list or of engaging in a favored hobby. But the ability to deny our momentary desires is what allows us to do the things we really want to do!
While we do have minds and wills and the ability to choose our actions, it’s also interesting to note (as I said above) that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. This does strike me as a bit ironic! When we hear the word self-control we tend to emphasize the self part of it. But the fruit of the Spirit is of the Spirit. This means it’s something He produces in us. In this case, the ability to be controlled and put off momentary desires. This is good news! Rather than relying on our own willpower, we can ask the Spirit to produce this within us. We can pray: Lord, help me to deny my flesh when needed so that I can pursue what is of you. Please produce the fruit of self-control that can only come from your Spirit.
Once self-control is exercised we can begin the hard work of cultivating discipline. Remember, discipline is about consistently deciding to show up and do the thing you’ve determined to do. While there are no easy steps to the development of discipline, let’s consider the following points to help us in this endeavor:
- Consider your why. Any time we set a goal or aim to develop a habit, we have to consider our “why”- our driving force. So you want to exercise more. Why? You want to read the Word and pray more. Why? The answer to the why is our motivation and is essential for the development and maintenance of our habits. One of my favorite definitions of discipline goes like this, “Discipline is doing what you don’t want to do so you can do what you really want to do.” The answer to our why is the “what we really want to do” part. As you reflect on your why, I encourage you to write this down on a notecard (as in hand write it!) Keep this somewhere visible so that your motivation takes a tangible form!
- We have to be honest that we won’t always feel like doing the thing. (Again, per the above definition, discipline is doing what you don’t want to do!) This is where mindset comes in. Even with an established motivation, we still need to determine that we can do x even if the desire to do so isn’t there at the moment. It’s a complete myth that we have to “feel like” doing something in order to do it! So keep your eyes on your motivation- this is extremely helpful- but also determine that even if motivation and desire wane, action is still possible!
- Know that action equals more action! It’s actually doing the act that leads us to continue doing the act. (Kind of like the physics principle “an object in motion stays in motion.”) As emphasized in the above point, most people believe we have to be motivated to take action- but it’s actually the action that leads to increased motivation! It’s encouraging to know that the development of discipline has a snowball effect- so trust the process and stay consistent knowing that discipline begets discipline!
- Finally, we cannot develop discipline in isolation. As much as we would love to reach our goals by sheer grit and willpower, the truth is, we need others. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two are better than one, because they have good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!“ We absolutely need others to encourage not just our desired goals/habits, but the development of self-control and discipline itself. So let someone in! Request their accountability knowing that iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17).
I pray this work spurs you on to more prayer and reflection about the fruit of self-control and the development of discipline. (If you’d like more practical ideas for cultivating discipline, check out the book, Atomic Habits by James Clear.) But more than anything, continuously seek the Lord in His word and in prayer, knowing that it is He who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure (Philippians 2:13). With His help, we will be like a city with walls, strong and secure, unmoved by the schemes of the Enemy.
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