Doubt Wrestling, Part II

Apologetics. While it can feel scary to harbor doubt, we can rest assured that all of our difficult questions have true answers- we just have to be brave enough to ask them and persistent enough to see them through. Whatever questions we may have- whether about the existence of God, the reliability of Scripture, or the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus- there is a host of amazing evidence to explore. 

For some, doubt is present because their hard (and good!) questions have not been given answers. In response to these questions it’s not uncommon to hear statements like, “Just believe!” Or, “That’s what faith is- just choosing to believe!” While of course we have faith in what we cannot see, it’s important to know that our faith is not built on blind faith, but on evidence and reason. The study of apologetics greatly affirms this! Though Scripture and the Holy Spirit are more than sufficient for faith in Christ, knowing there are true answers to our important questions only increases our confidence in the truth. 

Even if you’ve been a believer for a long time, or have not been one to question your faith, studying apologetics is such a great investment of time! Not only will we find ourselves giving glory to God for knowing truth, but we will be prepared to answer the hard questions from both unbelievers and those who struggle with doubt. So trust me when I say that it is a gift to know why we believe what we believe! If you’re interested in getting started with apologetics, I recommend reading The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel and The Reason for God by Tim Keller. 

Pray! Sometimes when we’re in a season of doubt we neglect to pray. Whether it’s because we’re doubting God’s existence or feeling ashamed of our doubt, it’s not uncommon to take a step back from time in prayer. But let me encourage you: prayer is exactly what we need- just ask the most famous psalmist.  

I praise God for the inclusion of David’s honest and vulnerable prayers in the canon of Scripture. Certainly, he had questions for God, times when he didn’t understand God’s timing and plans. And yet, David brought these to the Lord. He openly and honestly told God how he felt. He prayed things like, “How long O Lord?” and “Will you forget me forever?” Such prayers show us that whatever aspect of our faith we’re struggling with, we can bring it to our Heavenly Father. We can ask Him to increase our trust in Him, to reveal to us who He really is. We can also ask Him to supply, in His providence, the answers to our questions. And we can certainly pray as the demonicac’s father did in Mark chapter 9…

After coming down the mountain from the transfiguration, Jesus saw a great crowd filled with arguing scribes. It was quickly made known that a man had brought his son with “a spirit who made him mute” to be healed. The father told Jesus how the spirit would cast him into fire and water to destroy him. Then he said, “But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” Jesus replied, “‘If you can!’ All things are possible for one who believes.” Then here it is, the father’s pointed response, which becomes the model prayer of all who doubt: “I believe; help my unbelief!” Jesus responded to this genuine plea by healing the man’s son, demonstrating that he responds to even a small amount of faith. Like this desperate father, we too can plead with our Lord to help our unbelief- and we can be certain he will hear and answer. 

Raise an ebenezer. I love how thoroughly our God knows His people. Of course, He knows our likes, dislikes, and even the number of hairs on our heads. But He also knows our tendency to forget His faithfulness, even after demonstrating His power and trustworthiness in the most mighty ways possible. This is why He commanded the Israelites to commemorate certain events with yearly celebrations and to raise, at times, ebenezers.  

The word ebenezer means “stone of help” in Hebrew and is a symbolic reminder of God’s provision and deliverance. When the Israelites crossed the Jordan River to the Promised Land, The Lord instructed Joshua to take twelve stones from the river and to bring them to their lodging place. These were to stand as an everlasting testimony throughout all generations. When their children asked them what these rocks meant, the people were to tell them of God’s covenant faithfulness. Later in Israel’s history, Samuel took a stone and set it between Mizpah and Shen and called its name Ebenzer, for the Lord had delivered them from the hand of the Philistines. Another permanent reminder of God’s provision and help. 

As there is nothing new under the sun, we too need reminders of God’s past provision; to look upon a tangible reminder that our God is faithful. His word is certainly an ebenezer of sorts, a recorded history of promises made and promises kept. It serves us well to read account after account of God staying true to His word! But we can also raise our own ebenezers to commemorate the ways He has been personally faithful to us. Perhaps this looks like a pile of rocks (inside or outside our homes)- each rock representing a specific incident when God provided for us and/or our family. Maybe it looks like a wall of sticky notes with dates and a short description of what we want to remember. Certainly, there’s no wrong way to go about this! Just think what encouragement these would be to our hearts in times of hardship and doubt; how it would incline our hearts to trust and praise. All of which is just what God had in mind for His children 🙂 

Doubt Wrestling, Part I

Though nobody likes to admit it, we all struggle with doubt in our walk with the Lord. We doubt His goodness and faithfulness, and we question if He will keep His promises. And sometimes, we may even doubt things like His existence, the reality of Jesus, and the reliability of His word.

Often, these things are really hard to talk about, especially with our brothers and sisters in Christ. We feel ashamed and embarrassed to even acknowledge these doubts exist. And so, this short post is meant to bring this uncomfortable topic to light and to guide us as we wrestle. To that end, let’s consider the five following points when dealing with doubt: 

The role of grace. In His wisdom, God has given us some really fantastic examples of people who doubted- because sometimes it’s really helpful to know we’re not alone in our struggle. Certainly, these examples ease our minds. But you know what’s even better? He has given us the recorded historical accounts of Jesus’ responses to these individuals! Let’s look at two of them.

John the Baptist was quite the guy- so much so that Jesus said there was no one greater born to woman than John. He was the one Isaiah prophesied about, the voice crying in the wilderness to prepare the way of the Lord. And not only did he proclaim Jesus as the Messiah, but he baptized him. In this baptism John audibly heard the voice of the Father, saw the Spirit descend, and held the Son of God. And yet, just a few chapters later John asks the disciples to ask Jesus if he is the Promised One! Instead of indignation or irritation, Jesus simply instructs his disciples to tell John what they have seen and heard: that the lame walk, lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised up, and the poor have good news preached to them (Luke 7:22). This answer was chock full of grace. Rather than reprimand John for doubt, Jesus linked his actions to prophecy, pointing John to the truth of his identity. 

We couldn’t leave this section without talking about the most famous doubter of all: Thomas. Post resurrection, Thomas did not believe the others’ when they told him Jesus was alive. He boldly stated, “Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe” (John 20:25). Thomas would settle for nothing less than in the flesh, physical proof of Jesus’ resurrection. Again, we see the grace of our Savior. When Jesus appeared to Thomas he didn’t lecture or chide. He simply told him to place his finger on his hands and to put his hand on his side, graciously demonstrating that he is who he said he is.

And for us. When we cast our names among the well-known doubters of Scripture, we can be sure that Jesus’ response to us is the same. As our Creator, he remembers that we are dust; he is not surprised by our questions or uncertainty. And as our Good Shepherd, he lovingly guides us back to himself, graciously reminding us of who he truly is.  

The object of our faith. In times of doubt we can feel as though our faith is barely existent, as if it resembles something like a particle of dust rather than a boulder. But here’s the thing to consider: The object of our faith is what matters- not the amount. The amount of our faith will waiver on any given day, vacillating somewhere between full and almost empty. And while this can be uncomfortable (and certainly not our desire) this is the reality of our flesh. But what is unchanging is who our faith is in. And this cornerstone- the object of our faith- is Jesus Christ. 

He is the Son of God, one with the Father, the Alpha and Omega. He is the Incarnation, the forever God-man who dwelt with us in the flesh. He is from everlasting and the One who atoned for all of our sin. He is the One over whom death holds no power; the One who is at the right hand of the Father, ruling and reigning. 

This is the strong, mighty object of our faith, the One in whom we have believed! It is not faith in our faith that saves us, that provides us with confidence. No! Our security, assurance, and confidence comes only from our faith in Christ- whatever the amount of faith may be. He is unchanging, even when we feel our faith may fail. So be encouraged, friends! When even a mustard seed of faith is placed in our Savior, we have not gone astray; for the object of our faith is mighty to save and he will hold us fast until the day of his Appearing. 

“Too” Wrestling

Like Goldilocks, we are people who live with ideals in our minds. We know how hot we like our showers and coffee, the number of hours of sleep we most prefer, and how toasty we like our toast. Typically, these types of everyday ideals don’t get us into trouble. But what about the ones that do? You know, the ideals that come out in “too” form- like these:

“I’m too loud.” “I’m too quiet.” “I’m too much to handle.” “I’m too boring.” “I’m too weak.” “I’m too needy.” “I’m too impulsive.” “I’m too…fill in the blank.” 

Because of a perceived ideal we think we haven’t attained, we often scrutinize our personalities, abilities, and of course, physical appearances. Like a mental ping pong match we go back and forth in our minds, examining all the evidence for and against our “too.” In short, we wrestle. Sometimes this wrestling brings to light areas of our life that are sinful and in need of sanctification (see points #1 and #2 below). Other times, we wrestle with areas of our personalities/abilities that aren’t reflective of a sin issue (see points #3 and #4) but wish we could change.

While the goal of this post is not to ensure you never engage in another wrestling match, it is the goal that your wrestling will be more fruitful. Let’s consider these 4 points the next time we step into the ring: 

  1. Acknowledge that some amount of wrestling is good! Pride and vanity tell us we’re completely fine the way we are- that there’s no reason we should change. But to have no degree of self-reflection (and to not welcome helpful feedback from others) is foolishness. God’s word tells us this very thing: “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid” (Proverbs 12:1). The prayer of David in Psalm 139 also demonstrates the necessity of seeing our sin: “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” (Psalm 139:23-24). 

The takeaway: Let’s humble ourselves before the Lord and acknowledge that we are still in need of sanctification. We can ask Him to show us where we’re in error and sin; and then ask Him to grow us so that we might look more like His Son. 

  1. While self-reflection and accepting correction is necessary for maturity and growth, continuously beating ourselves up benefits no one. Sometimes we have a tendency to rehash our sin, to ruminate on all that we’ve done wrong. But remember: the conviction of the Spirit is meant to lead us to repentance- not condemnation! Moreover, conviction will always be paired with hope because it points us to the mercy and grace of our Savior. It shifts our focus to Him and off of ourselves. On the other hand, condemnation will always be paired with despair because it keeps us focused on ourselves and our sin, and not on God. In other words, we can acknowledge our sin and repent (that is, to change our minds and turn from our sin) and then…move on! 

The takeaway: There is no room in the Christian faith for self-condemnation because in Christ, we are not condemned! (Romans 8:1). While we will experience sorrow for our sin, we’re not meant to stay there! Instead, we must continuously remind ourselves of the good news of the Gospel: that we are forgiven in Christ and loved by the Father. He has thrown our sin as far as the east is from the west- and He has work for us to do…    

  1. God uses us- especially in our weaknesses. While we know this is true, we don’t particularly like it! It better suits our flesh to be used in our gifts and strengths. And yet, we know. We know how God used Moses and his ineloquent speech to lead the Israelites out of Egypt and how He used uneducated fishermen to spread the Good News. But that doesn’t stop us from falsely believing that He can’t use us because of our “too.” 

Our problem, I think, is two-fold: 1) We see our deficits with our eyes rather than the Lord’s; we see the impossible, forgetting that with God all things are possible (Luke 1:37). And 2) We forget that our weaknesses are meant to magnify His strength. 1 Corinthians 1:27 tells us that God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise, that God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong- all so that nobody may boast in the presence of God.

The takeaway: In short, our “toos” aren’t as powerful as we think they are! Our God is way more powerful and way more creative than any “too” could ever be. So let’s surrender our weaknesses to the Lord, asking Him to use these to the praise of His glory. As the Apostle Paul said, may we boast all the more in our weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest on us (2 Corinthians 12:9).

  1. God uses all kinds of people for His glory. The fact that God loves variety can be seen in all of His creation- just look at the amazing variety of trees, plants, animals, and geography! And of course, He created all kinds of people with all kinds of personalities, interests, and abilities. Think of it: He used unassuming, meek Gideon to defeat Israel’s enemies and He used outspoken, hasty Peter to spread the gospel. He used a weeping prophet in a pit and a wild, camel-hair wearing prophet in the wilderness. And He uses us, too. 

The diversity that fills the body of Christ is precisely what makes it beautiful. Take a moment to think about your brothers and sisters in Christ. Think about how their various gifts and personalities have ministered to you. If this is true of others, how can it not be true for you and me? Perhaps we fail to consider that our “too” might be just what someone else needs. 

The takeaway: God’s use of variety is such a relief to our souls! We can rest knowing that God has designed us purposefully and intentionally to bless others. Let’s take time to thank Him for how He has created us and ask Him to use our “too” in a mighty way. 

Dickens and Dostoevsky

While it’s a true saying that “comparison is the thief of joy,” I would argue that it steals even more than that. Its thievery also includes opportunities and vulnerability. But in order for this kind of malicious theft to take place, something must also be given. And what comparison gives is fear and inadequacy. We can see how this giving and taking go hand in hand: When we fear we don’t measure up or that we’re not as good at something as the next guy, we quit before we even start, convincing ourselves that people don’t need whatever it is we have to offer. 

Or maybe that’s just me. 

The world of writing has been many things for me. It’s been spiritually formative, challenging, freeing, and overall, really fun. I write because I enjoy it- it’s always been a love, even from elementary school. In my younger years I sat at my old typewriter for hours creating stories. In high school, college, and grad school I admittedly liked writing papers. So, in some sense, it’s always been in me to write. But most importantly, I write because I feel it glorifies God and encourages others. All of those reasons should be enough for me to continue! Yet too often the gifts of comparison creep in. For instance, when I compare my writing style or content to other writers, I’m convinced that because others do it better, I’m only wasting my time. As inadequacy abounds, I become certain my words aren’t needed.

I could easily give the same script- the same examples of fear and inadequacy- for the times comparison intervenes in other areas of my life. Certainly, it happens at my job and in my home. Comparing myself to other counselors, moms, and wives leaves me very aware of all that I lack. While I of course don’t disengage from these roles, comparison ensures I engage in them with a burden on my back and with a bit less joy. 

If any of this sounds remotely familiar to you, we must now ask: What can we do to rail against comparison? How do we keep ourselves from engaging the thief of joy and the giver of fear and inadequacy?

To answer those questions I propose we start with an example of two of history’s greatest writers: Charles Dickens and Fyodor Dostoevsky. These two men, born 9 years apart, lived to be 58 and 59 years old, respectively. One born in England, the other in Russia, both wrote prolifically and are regarded as heroes of classic literature. Both wrote masterpieces during the same era, diving deeply into the depravity and redemption of humanity. But while there are similarities, there are key differences as well. Though I’m not going to subject you to a comparative essay (you’re welcome!) I will say this: I am so thankful that neither said, “Because of the greatness of the other, there is no place for me here.” What a tragedy that would have been! Though great in their own ways, I simultaneously love and cherish A Tale of Two Cities and Crime and Punishment. 

I think of this example specifically when I struggle with writing comparison. It gives me clarity to see the faulty logic of my thinking. Here’s what I mean: Someone else’s talent for writing does not mean that I have no skill; and someone else having something important to say does not mean that I don’t. I also can recognize the right we all have to personal preferences. Some prefer Dickens to Dostoevsky- others would clearly choose Dostoevsky over Dickens. Still, others would choose neither! Preferences do not determine a writer’s ability or the profound message they share with the world.

The same truth applies to us in all aspects of our lives, whether in our professions or in our relationships. We all have strengths and weaknesses we bring to the table. But the strength of one person does not mean we are inadequate; it does not disqualify the gifts we offer to others. 

One more thought: While it’s human nature to notice differences in skills and abilities, it seems we would be much better off if we traded comparison for inspiration. Rather than allow inadequacy and fear to overtake us, what if instead we used the strengths of others to inspire us? To move us toward developing the skills and traits we desire to possess? And what if, instead of jealousy, we were inclined to rejoice at the gifts and success of others? I imagine our hearts would be freer and our burdens lighter. 

When the temptation to compare rears its ugly head, let’s remember the example of Dickens and Dostoevsky. And by all means, let’s embrace inspiration and rejoicing. That way, our joy will not be stolen, and opportunities will not be missed. And most importantly, the Lord will be glorified, and others will be blessed. 

Taming the Tea: Part V

Overcoming the Temptation to Gossip

We’ve covered a lot of ground over the last 4 lessons! I pray you’ve been challenged, as well as encouraged, during our time together 🙂 However, I know the battle against gossip will be ongoing. There will be times we will be very tempted to engage in it! In this last lesson we’ll discuss how to overcome this temptation when it rears its ugly head. 

Of course, we can’t talk about fighting temptation without talking about self-control. Proverbs 25:28 says, “A man without self-control is like a city broke into and left without walls.” That’s a serious statement! A lack of self-control leaves us vulnerable, able to be defeated by enemies. Without self-control, we easily slip into the tendency to gossip. But here’s the ironic thing about self-control: we can’t produce it ourselves- at least, not to the degree to which it’s truly needed. Here’s what I mean. As humans, we have some capacity for self-control. But self-reliance only gets us so far! What’s really needed is the self-control that is produced by the Holy Spirit. In Galatians 5:22-23, the Apostle Paul lists the 9 fruits of the Spirit, among which is self-control. 

The fruit of the Spirit is produced in us as we abide in the word of God and commune with Him in prayer.  As we do this, our hearts, minds, and desires are changed to match those of our Heavenly Father. This is the work of the Spirit! It’s his role to transform us into the image of Christ. And did you know that we can pray for this?! I often pray that God will continue to sanctify me by His word and by His Spirit. I even pray to the Holy Spirit, asking him to produce fruit in me! This means that in prayer, we can ask him for self-control. 

I don’t know about you, but knowing that I can’t, in my own strength, have the self-control to overcome gossip is freeing! To be sure, true freedom is found when we rely on the Lord. Why? Because when we rely on the Lord for the fruit of self-control we can be confident that He will impart this to us. As Luke 11:13 says, “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” We can also pray Psalm 141:3, asking the Spirit to set a guard over our mouths: “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!” What a wonderful way to pray! 

Another way we can guard our mouths is to ask for accountability. This can be a scary step, but trust me, it’s the wise way to go! Letting someone we trust know our struggles is a blessing- in fact, it’s one of the reasons God gave us the body of Christ! As brothers and sisters in Christ we are called to carry one another’s burdens and to rebuke one another in love. 

We need each other to keep living out the Lord’s commands! By asking someone to keep you accountable with your speech, you’re giving them permission to regularly ask you about this part of your life- and to gently correct you if they hear you gossiping. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”  Holding one another accountable is one of the best ways we can sharpen each other. So don’t wait! Take the step to seek accountability today.

Finally, I wanted to take a minute to talk about the difference between sharing our burdens with a friend and gossiping.  This can be a tricky business! Of course, we lean on our friends and count on them to help us navigate difficult times in life. And yet, during these conversations we have to be aware of a few things. One is our motivation for sharing. Is what we’re sharing for the purpose of putting someone down or for getting our friend to dislike who we’re talking about? If so, it’s gossip. However, if our motivation is to gain clarity and perspective, then we’re most likely on the right track. 

Another aspect to consider is how many details we share. Our trusted friend doesn’t need to know every detail of a situation in order to give us some helpful guidance. Evaluate the main points of what you want to communicate and commit to leaving the details of the person’s actions to a minimum. Even if someone has wronged you, there’s a way to talk about it while still demonstrating respect for that person. Remember, we show love for our enemies and others when we choose to not air their dirty laundry. As Proverbs 10:12 says, “Love covers a multitude of sins.” 

Reflection: 

Knowing that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit encouraged us to abide in the Word and prayer. How do you feel about your time in the Word and prayer now? What would you like to change? 

Reflecting on motivation and details helps us know whether or not we’re gossiping. In light of this, how might this change when/how you talk to trusted friends? 

Action:

Commit to accountability. If you have a trusted friend or mentor in mind, make a plan for when you will talk to them about this matter- then do it! 

Commit to praying regularly for the fruit of self-control. You could even try a 7 day challenge! 

Prayer:

Thank God for giving you, His Spirit. Ask Him to help you abide in Him so that fruit can be produced in you! Also, ask God to provide someone who could hold you accountable and for discernment to know when and how to share your burdens. 

Taming the Tea: Part IV

Set Apart to Set an Example

In the last lesson we established that God has called us to use our words for the purpose of edifying others. Today, we’ll look at some passages of Scripture that encourage us to leave gossip and cling to gracious and uplifting words. This encouragement comes from understanding our true calling. 

Journey back with me for a moment to the beginning of the Bible, to the Law of Moses. (Portions of Exodus and Numbers, along with the entire books of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, contain the Law.) After the exodus from Egypt, God made a covenant with the Israelites that He would be their God and they would be His people. This covenant included blessings for obedience and curses for disobedience. The Law perfectly and specifically laid out all the Israelites were to do to obey God. It’s important to know that every command served a purpose and revealed something about the character of God! It’s also important to know that these commands were meant to set Israel apart from all the other pagan nations. They were supposed to be completely different! 

Because Jesus came to fulfill the Law, we are no longer under the ceremonial and civil laws of the Old Testament. For example: we no longer sacrifice animals for our sin because Jesus came to be the full and final sacrifice for sin! Likewise, we no longer abstain from eating “unclean” foods (such as pork and shrimp) because Jesus came to truly make us clean on the inside. However, we are still called to be holy- to be set apart from the rest of the world (1 Peter 1:16). This means we follow the moral law and obey the commands of Christ. Doing so is what makes us radically different from others! 

When the Apostle Paul wrote to his friend and co-laborer, Timothy, he gave him this encouragement: “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12).  I love this verse! Although we don’t know the exact age of Timothy, we do know his age is no factor when it comes to setting an example for others! This verse makes it clear that anyone who follows Christ -regardless of their age- is called to live a life that reflects his character. I also love that this verse specifies setting an example in speech…did you catch that part?! 

Similarly, in a letter to the Philippians, Paul instructed the believers to do everything without grumbling or arguing. If they lived this way, he said they would “shine like stars in the sky” (Philippians 3:15). In other words, they would be unique- a light in the darkness! Throughout Scripture the description of “light” was applied to God’s people. Just as Israel was to be a light to the Gentiles, Jesus commanded us to let our light shine before men so they may see our good deeds and glorify God in heaven (Isaiah 42:6, Matthew 5:16). 

Ok, so let’s put this all together! Because we are followers of Christ (and therefore, children of God!) we are called to live lives that are holy and set apart. This means our lives shouldn’t match the lives of those who don’t know Christ! Everything about us- from the way we treat people to the way we talk- should look different. We should shine as stars in the universe, as a light in the darkness. 

When we live obediently to God’s Word three things happen: 1) God is pleased! Our obedience is the demonstration of our love for Him and it makes His heart happy. 2) God is glorified. It brings glory and honor to His name when His people faithfully live for Him. Everything we do should be done for the glory of God! 3) Others are drawn to Him. While some may ridicule us for living differently, others will take note and wonder what makes us different. When they ask questions, it’s a wonderful opportunity to be a witness for Christ and share what he has done in our lives. Remember, the difference they see in us is the evidence of the work He has done in us! 

As we consider our calling to be set apart, I pray it motivates us to be a leader rather than a follower. And as this whole series is about gossip, I pray we also know we can set a powerful example with our speech! The next time we find ourselves in a conversation with friends or peers, I challenge us to ask the question, Am I leading now, setting an example for others? Or, am I simply following? 

Reflection: 

How does knowing that you’re called to be set apart change how you view your speech? 

What are some practical ways you can lead by example when in conversations with friends/peers?  

Action:

Read 1 Timothy 4:12. Write it out on an index card and place it somewhere as a reminder to set an example! 

Place some star stickers on your phone case, notebooks, or school folders. They will remind you that you are a light to those around you 🙂 

Prayer:

Thank God for the opportunity you have to serve Him with your words. Ask Him to help you live obediently to Him and for opportunities to share the reason you live differently! 

Taming the Tea: Part III

Godly Speech

Today, I want to spend some time focusing on what the Bible says our speech should look like as Christ followers. While it’s important to understand what we’re not supposed to do (gossip!) it’s equally important to know what we are supposed to do! So grab your Bibles and let’s check out what God’s Word says 🙂 

One of my favorite verses about speech is Proverbs 16:24, which says, “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” By definition, gracious words are courteous, kind, and pleasant. But even more than that, as followers of Christ, our words are to be gracious in that we seek the good in others and look for ways to build others up. Statements such as, “I really appreciate you,” or, “You have such a talent for x, I’m glad I get to witness you do your thing,” take but a few seconds to say. Yet, it’s these statements that add sweetness to the souls of others. 

But take a look at the last part of the verse- not only do these words refresh the soul, but they are actually good for our physical bodies as well! For instance, studies now show that receiving encouraging words from others boosts the production of dopamine in the brain. This boost increases our motivation and renews our focus (www.kwiklearning.com). How cool is that?! We truly can never underestimate the life giving power of our words!

Similarly, Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” This verse echoes the truths of Proverbs 16:24 and reminds us once again, that our words are to be spoken for the benefit of others. 

If we’re honest, we might read these verses and think, Man, speaking like that is so hard…and not as fun! I promise, I understand that reaction! But if we begin to see our words as ministry, speaking gracious words becomes a joy. Of course, it won’t be easy! But what a privilege it is to be used by God to minister to others. Personally, I am so thankful for the people who have spoken encouraging words to me at various times in my life. For example, an encouraging word from a classmate in college (who honestly wasn’t even my favorite person) has stayed with me for over 20 years! I still think about his words and am encouraged by them, even now. Similarly, an encouraging note from a youth leader has been in my Bible since 1998! Those words mean so much to me, even after all this time. 

The truth is, we never know how God will use our words in someone’s life. People all around us- our classmates, friends, family, teammates, co-workers, and even strangers- are often dealing with problems that we have no idea about. A kind and gracious word may just go further than we could ever imagine. A word of encouragement often has ripple effects that we will never know about! But even when we can’t see the edifying effects of our words, we are still called to be obedient stewards of them. Our Father in Heaven doesn’t miss a thing- whether in this age or the next, we can be sure He will reward our faithfulness.  

One more thought: Godly speech also includes speaking truth in love. There will be times when we will need to have hard conversations with others. Whether that’s confronting a brother or sister in Christ about their sin, or expressing our thoughts and feelings to others, God’s word instructs us to do this boldly and in love (Ephesians 3:15). In his first letter to the Corinthians, the apostle Paul communicated some hard truths regarding both their behavior and division within the church. In chapters 3 and 4 he communicated very clearly (and boldly!) for the purpose of the church’s edification. Yet, his tone of love and concern prevailed. “I am not writing this to shame you, but to warn you, as my dear children” (1 Corinthians 4:14). As we communicate truth to others, may it be our goal to speak for the sake of their good and edification. 

Reflection: 

What might be the effects in your life- and in others’ lives- if you used gracious words more often? 

What prevents you from using gracious words? How might the verses above help you overcome those barriers?  

Have you ever thought of your words as ministry? How might this mindset change the way you speak? 

Action:

Who are 1-2 people in your everyday life you could be intentional to build up? 

Make a plan! When in your day could you do this? Choose a method of communication- verbal, written, ect. Write your plan here!

Prayer:

Pray that God would help you battle your barriers to speaking gracious words. Ask Him to give you boldness and to help you remember the commands of Scripture concerning our speech. Ask Him to help you speak the truth in love. 

Taming the Tea: Part II

Why Do We Gossip?

Yesterday we looked at the power of our words, why gossip is detestable to God, and the effects of gossip on our relationships. Today we turn our attention to the why of gossip. I briefly mentioned in the first lesson that women are attracted to gossip because we are relationally centered. And yet, there are often other factors at play when it comes to why we engage in gossip. These are worth understanding so that we can appropriately respond to them as they arise. Let’s consider 3 factors along with their biblical response.

1) Anger. Have you ever heard the expression, “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em?” The cycle of gossip can be like that. Maybe someone says something unkind about you- or worse, untrue! What’s your first instinct? If you’re anything like me, it might be to say something equally unkind or untrue. But what does this lead to? Most likely, it’s the setup for an ongoing back and forth of malicious speech. Gossiping out of spite or for revenge is not the way to a peace filled life. And it’s not the way God intends His children to live. So what do we do? How do we handle our feelings of anger and our desire for revenge? 

First, let’s acknowledge there are times when we should feel anger! When someone hurts us or others, anger is a justified and righteous response. However, we still need to act in wisdom! This means our first line of defense should be prayer. After all, we can tell God when we’re angry, hurt, and frustrated! We can also ask him for wisdom to handle the situation well. James 3:17 describes the kind of wisdom God gives…and it’s way better than anything we could produce on our own! 

Once we’ve prayed (and are in a calmer frame of mind) we can think through how and when to address the person we’re angry with. Then, we can go to the person directly to respectfully express our thoughts and feelings. Is it possible the person might reject us or continue to treat us poorly? Absolutely! But their response is out of our control. Remember, we are responsible for how we communicate- not for how they respond. Regardless of the outcome of the conversation, we are called to forgive them as Christ has forgiven us (Colossians 3:13). This means we don’t hold what they did against them and we don’t seek revenge. As Romans 12 reminds us, vengeance belongs to the Lord, not us! Rather, we are to overcome evil with good (Romans 12:19, 21). 

2) Acceptance. I mentioned this reason in the first lesson, but basically this is the idea that we gossip because we want to be “in the know.” We want to fit in! When everyone around us is doing it, it seems like we must follow suit in order to be accepted and included. Because let’s face it…nobody likes to feel left out of a conversation! Yet, it’s better to be left out and honor God than to gossip for temporary inclusion.

So how do we combat this desire for peer acceptance? By reminding ourselves of who we are. And who we are is God’s child, His daughter! Who we are is united with Christ! What He thinks of us is much more important than the opinions of our friends and peers. In his letter to the church at Philippi, the Apostle Paul wrote that “to live is Christ and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21). Later in the chapter he also stated that he counts all things as rubbish compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:8). Like Paul, we must value Christ above all things- we must treasure him more than we treasure the acceptance of others. 

3) Affection. Want to know an ugly truth? We also gossip because we love it. There’s something about it that is pleasurable to us. In other words, it’s a sin we very much enjoy! Proverbs 18:8 describes it this way: “The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body.” That sure is descriptive- and accurate. In our sinful flesh we love to take in all the juicy details about others’ lives; and we especially love it when others agree with us about how awful we find someone to be. This my friends, is the ugliness of our sin nature. 

To overcome our affection for gossip we need to see this sin as clearly as God does. We need to detest it. In fact, Romans 12:9 tells us that we are to hate what is evil! And a great way to develop hatred for sin is to start with prayer. Ask God to help you hate the sin of gossip. Ask Him to help you see it as something despicable; that it may be something from which you derive no joy. Additionally, we can pray the last part of Romans 12:9 in which Paul instructs us to cling to what is good. Pray that God would fill you with a desire to love only what He has deemed good!

Reflection: 

Which of the 3 reasons for gossip did you most connect with?  

Which of the verses mentioned in this lesson challenged your thinking? How might it help you with the reason you identified above? 

Action:

What action is God prompting you to take regarding anger, acceptance, or affection? 

Write out your identified verse from above on a notecard. Commit to memorizing it this week! 

Prayer:

Take a moment to confess to God regarding anger, acceptance, and affection. Ask Him to fill you with heavenly wisdom (James 3:17) and to fill you with a desire to cling to the good.  

Taming the Tea: Part 1

Lesson #1: What’s the big deal about gossip? 

If you ask the average American whether or not they’re a good person, most would say yes. They would say they’re good because they try to be kind to others. Or, because they’ve never robbed a bank or murdered anyone. All good things, of course! However, do you know there is another sin God equally detests? In fact, it’s repeatedly listed among sins like murder and hatred. Since you’re taking the time to read this series, you can probably guess the sin I’m talking about is gossip! 

Ohhhh gossip. It’s such a temptation! Why is it so difficult to refrain from talking about other people’s lives?! Or from listening to other people talk about others’ lives?! It’s just so hard.  We want to be in the know. And when we hear something spicy, our sinful natures want to pass that info right along to other listening ears. 

Because women are relationally oriented, gossip is a sin we’re easily drawn to. We might even convince ourselves that gossip really isn’t that big of a deal. After all, it can seem so innocent-  it’s just a conversation among friends, right? But as women who follow Christ, we know this kind of talk should have no place in our lives. Join me now as we go to God’s word to learn more about what He has to say about this sin. 

Let’s start with Proverbs 18:21: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” Just think: our words have the power of life and death! That’s a pretty heavy responsibility! But what does it mean that those who love it will eat its fruits? The New Living Translation puts it like this: “Those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” There’s just no getting around it- our words have the potential to both positively and negatively affect others, as well as ourselves.

God’s Word also shows us that not gossiping has been a commandment from the beginning. Exodus 23:1 says, “You shall not spread a false report. You shall not join hands with a wicked man to be a malicious witness.” This theme is found throughout the New Testament as well. In the Apostle Paul’s letter to the Romans, he lists gossip among sins such as envy, murder, and being a hater of God (Romans 1:29-32). In his letter to the church at Corinth, Paul writes about his fear of finding the believers practicing sins such as quarreling, jealousy, hostility, and gossip (2 Corinthians 2:20). Finally, James, the brother of Jesus, wrote, “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless” (James 1:26). God’s Word is crystal clear that He hates gossip and He commands us to have no part of it!

At this point you might think to yourself, Ok, Nicole, I get it- God doesn’t like gossip. But why? What’s so bad about it? Let’s check out 2 reasons: betrayal and separation.  

Proverbs 11:13 says, “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.” We all know this is true because we’ve all experienced it! When a trusted friend reveals our secret or talks bad about us in some way, we feel anger, hurt, disappointment, and perhaps even embarrassment. But most of all, we lose trust in our friend. Why? Because gossip is a betrayal and it damages relationships. And that is the opposite of what God wants for us! He wants us to have strong, God-centered relationships that reflect His character and who He is! And who He is is trustworthy and faithful. Therefore, God has called us to be faithful friends- not friends who betray the people who trust them. 

This leads us to our second reason: separation. Proverbs 16:28 says, “A dishonest man  spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.” A whisperer. What an accurate description of someone who spreads gossip! But take a look at the effect mentioned in this verse: the separation of close friends. Again, gossip distances friends. But it also can have a ripple effect in that it creates division and separation among others as well. In other words, it stirs up drama and chaos- making an already challenging teenage life even harder. 

Now that we know God’s truth about the power of our words and the devastating effects of gossip, we have to ask ourselves, Now what? For help answering that question, check out the RAP section below. 

Reflection: 

What stood out to you in the verses discussed above? 

How did the Scripture change/challenge your thinking about gossip? 

Action:

What action(s) are you prepared to take to exit gossip-centered conversations? 

Write out one of the above verses on a notecard. Place it somewhere you can see it regularly! 

Prayer:

If you’ve struggled with gossip, confess this to God. Ask Him to convict you of this sin and to help you turn from it. Pray that you will begin to feel the same way God does about gossip! Ask Him to help you use your words to give life to others.

*If you would like the entire 5 part series, email me and I will send you the FREE PDF!

Biblical Blessing

The prosperity gospel has become quite popular in American Evangelical Christian culture. One doesn’t have to look far on social media or in book stores to see what I’m talking about. Sermons, quotes, and books that promise health, wealth, and beauty for followers of Jesus make for a good sale. It also kinda makes me sick. Nowhere in Scripture are we promised an abundance of financial gain and perfect health when we confess Christ! 

Because of my strong aversion to the prosperity gospel it’s been a challenge for me to accept that biblical prosperity for the righteous is actually a thing. And yet, over and over in the Psalms and Proverbs we see promises and blessings for those who walk in the way of the Lord. 

Case in point: The other night I read Psalm 37, a beautiful psalm about the promise of God to not forsake His own. Initially, I was drawn to the verbs in verses 3-7. I was all about the fact that we need to trust and delight in the Lord, commit to Him, and be still before Him. And in all honestly, that was  going to be the focus of this post. But when I read closer I realized I was skipping over the latter part of the verses. I then had to wrestle with my tendency to fight against the true blessings promised to me as a child of God. 

Reading that last sentence back, it seems crazy that I wouldn’t readily welcome the good gifts of God. But sometimes we struggle wtih that, don’t we? The love and grace of God can be a hard thing to sit in and accept (so much so that the Apostle Paul prayed for strength to comprehend it Ephesians 3:18-19).* Couple that with my point in the first paragraph and what you get is one giant push back to the idea of a prosperous Christian. And yet, if we claim to follow Christ we have to come to terms with all that’s in His word. And that means holding open hands for His promised blessings. With that in mind, let’s go back to Psalm 37:3-7 to reflect on three of these promises. 

He will give us the desires of our hearts. I know what you might be thinking, and not so fast! This verse does not mean God will give us absolutely anything and everything we ever ask for. It’s something far better! When we delight in the Lord- when we look to Him as our ultimate source of joy and satisfaction- we will want the things that are of Him rather than the things that are of the world. For instance, as we enjoy God, we will long to be filled with the fruit of the Spirit and wisdom. I desire these strongly and am so thankful that God promises to give these in abundance to those who ask! Additionally, our Father loves to give His children good gifts- and we can rest assured that as we delight in Him, we will desire (and be given!) whatever good things He has for us! 

He will act. While this point and the next go together, I think there is a great deal of comfort in these similiar promises. Sometimes God’s action relates to justice, but there may be other times when His action is about providing for His people: providing comfort, protection, and peace. We also know that God, in His providence, acts to meet both the physical and spiritual needs of His people. We may not always understand His ways, purposes or plans, but as we trust in Him, He will prove Himself faithful to act in our best interests. We can rest assured that our God is a God of action- and He promises to act! 

He will bring forth justice. It is so easy to look around the world and feel as though the wicked are winning. If we’re not careful, we can almost believe they’re getting away scot-free. But praise God His word tells us otherwise! We know that nothing escapes God’s eyes and that there will be judgement for the unrighteouss. What a comfort it is to know that any wrongdoing against us (and others!) will be brought to justice “as the noonday.” This beautiful promise for the people of God is rooted in His attributes of goodness and justness. Consider: our God is good because He is just- and He is just because He is good. In this we greatly rejoice!  

In these few verses we see but a glimpse of the blessings promised us in Christ- blessings that thankfully, are a far cry from the prosperity gospel. Blessings more beautiful than any false teaching and rich in the only way that matters; blessings that are the very truth of God. 

Of course, there are many more to uncover! As I read Scripture, I will be mindful to not so quickly pass these by. Rather, I will be intentional to meditate on these truths and allow the love of our good God to sink into my heart and mind. 

And for you. I pray as you read the word you will allow yourself to feel the love and care of your heavenly Father. May you keep open hands for the promised blessings He graciously and generously gives to you, His child. 

*For more on this topic, check out my Strength to Comprehend series in the links below: 

Strength to Comprehend
Strength to Comprehend: Chosen
Strength to Comprehend: Forgiven

https://nicolebyrum.com/2023/11/25/strength-to-comprehend-redeemed/ https://nicolebyrum.com/2023/11/30/strength-to-comprehend-adopted/