Banquets and Banners: Part I

For those of you who grew up going to Sunday School, you may remember the catchy song “His Banner Over Me.”  As a kid I remember liking the tune, but I really had no idea what all of the lyrics meant. To the song’s credit, I understood that it was talking about God’s extraordinary love for me- and that in and of itself was a huge win.  But now at the age of 38 I’m beginning to understand those lyrics in a whole new way. For those who are unfamiliar with the song, there’s a line that says “He brought me to His banquet eating table, His banner over me is love.”   These are the words I want to bring into focus today.  

Now, you may be wondering why after all of these years I would be thinking of this particular song from my childhood.  The short answer includes my husband’s birthday and a solo 10 mile run. (Just for clarification, those were two separate events.)  Let me explain…

We celebrated my husband’s 40th birthday a few weeks ago by going on an overnight ski trip with a group of close friends (if you haven’t already, check out my Snow Trails post).  This trip included not only skiing and a hilarious story involving a taxi van, but a dinner as well. I couldn’t even tell you the name of the restaurant but I can see it all perfectly in my mind: low lights for elegant evening dining,  beautifully set tableware upon white table cloths, and soft music playing gently in the background. A truly gorgeous setting. As the nine of us sat around the table sharing appetizers and wine I felt feelings of peace, happiness, and great contentment.  It may sound strange, but part of the feeling of joy was due in part to the generosity of sharing among friends; for the bottles and appetizers ordered were done so with no thought to the cost and with a liberal spirit. Perfection is really the only word I could use to describe that experience of camaraderie.  It was in the midst of this beautiful moment that I was struck with the thought, “This must be what heaven will be like.”  

I often think of heaven and try to imagine the glorious splendor of being in the presence of God.  More times than I can count my mind has wondered what it will be like to be reunited with loved ones and to gather around the throne of Jesus together with all the saints.  That evening at dinner my imagination was drawn to the great banquet that will be held in heaven one day. Although I wasn’t sure why at the time, it seemed the wine was a significant part of that picture.  

All of this was roaming through my mind as I was contemplating what to write for my next blog post during the aforementioned 10 mile run.  I was also thinking about the sermon from the day before- about the significance of Jesus turning water into wine. There were other topics I was toying with while on that run, but I just kept coming back to the image of that amazing dinner with friends, and for some reason, the wine.  It was then the words He brought me to His banquet eating table surfaced from my memory.   “Okay,”  I thought, “This is what I am to write.”   

The Song of Solomon is not a book of the Bible I read from very often, but it is in this book we find the following verse: “He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love,”  (chapter 2 verse 4).  For those who may be unfamiliar, the Song of Solomon (or sometimes referred to as the Song of Songs), depicts the love relationship between a husband and wife.  In this particular verse, it is the wife who is describing the loving and noble actions of her husband; actions that could be seen as those of delight and protection.  

As I was looking into this verse a little further, I had one of those moments when all I could do was just smile in amazement at how God works.  I had no idea that the literal translation for banqueting house is “the house of the wine.” In King Solomon’s day this was a place of love, laughter, and joy- a place to celebrate and entertain friends.  A place to feast and to drink wine.   

Some commentators view the Song of Solomon not only as a teaching on the marital relationship, but as an analogy of the relationship between Christ and his bride, the Church.  Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.”  We again see this bridal relationship in Revelation 19:7 as the Apostle John wrote, “Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory!  For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.”  Indeed, it is in heaven when Christ, the groom, will be united to his bride, the church.  And what a wedding banquet that will be!   

This great banquet was foretold 700 years before Christ ever stepped foot on the earth by the prophet Isaiah.  The description of this magnificent future event fills my heart with such hopeful anticipation: “On this mountain the Lord Almighty will prepare a feast of rich food for all peoples, a banquet of aged wine- the best of meats and the finest of wines.  On this mountain he will destroy the shroud that enfolds all peoples, the sheet that covers all nations; he will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces.”  (Isaiah 25:6-8) I love everything about that passage, but especially the fact that the food and wine at that banquet will be better than the best food and wine we will have ever tasted in all our years here on earth!  God desires to give us something that is better than anything we could ever imagine. 

Not only did Isaiah tell of this great wedding feast, but Jesus himself spoke of it.  In Matthew 26:29 he proclaimed, “I tell you, I will not drink of this fruit of the vine from now on until that day when I drink it anew with you in my Father’s kingdom.”  And again in Luke 22:29-30: “And I confer on you a kingdom, just as my Father conferred one on me, so that you may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom and sit on thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel.”  From these verses it is clear Jesus intends to bring his bride to his banqueting house.  As Revelation 19:9 says, “Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!”   The idea that we can be a part of that great banquet demonstrates God’s amazing love for us; because not only did He give His Son, Jesus, to redeem us from sin, but He invites us to be with Him forever in the most glorious setting imaginable for all eternity. 

This was part of what Jesus communicated when he performed his first miracle; for not only did he miraculously change the water into wine, but he changed it into the best wine.  When the master of the banquet tasted the wine Jesus had made (although at the time the master did not know where it had come from) he called the bridegroom aside and said, “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now,” (John 2:10).  

When I read that story I’m struck by not only the quality of the wine, but also the amount of wine Jesus created: approximately 120-180 gallons!  It was like Jesus was saying, “Hey, I see your need and I am going to give you an abundance of the best wine you’ve ever had.”  And that is what Jesus is for us. He came to be the answer to our greatest need: our need for a Savior. He offers us himself which is better than anything this world could ever possibly give us.  In him we have abundantly more than we could ever dream of- he is the choicest wine imaginable.   

It’s striking then that when Jesus and his disciples were partaking of the Last Supper, he chose the bread to represent his body and the wine to represent his blood- the blood by which our sins are forgiven and our wounds are healed; the blood that atones for our infinite transgressions against a holy God; the blood that declares we are justified and righteous- this is the blood represented by wine.  This is the wine of the most joyous celebration ever conceived. It is the wine of gladness and supreme love. You see, I could never come to the banqueting house of God on my own; it is only because of the blood of the Lamb that this is possible.  This is truly the wonder and beauty of the words He brought me to his banquet eating table.      

For those who struggle with the idea of wine, allow me to briefly share with you what my pastor communicated to our church a few Sundays ago.   He encouraged those who frown upon Christians partaking of wine to remember that Jesus came to free us from the law. But he also reminded us not to let wine become our master- and for those who struggle with addiction, to remember that Jesus came to free us from all sin and entanglements.  (Giving encouragement to those in recovery that Jesus will uphold them as they abstain from alcohol.) In either situation, he reminded us that it is for freedom that Christ has set us free (Galatians 5:1).        

One thing is certain, in heaven all will be perfect and we will gather in the great banqueting hall to share in the love and delight of our God and our Savior.  For those who are in Christ, we will all join together with him in eating the choicest meat and drinking the finest wine. Even now on earth we are invited to the table of God through the blood of Jesus.  We are invited to drink deeply of the riches of His mercy and grace knowing that His banner over us is love…   

Disclaimer

Without exception we were created for relationships.  Whether we are introverted, extroverted, or somewhere in between, it is undeniable that we as human beings were built for connection.  For sure, it may seem safer at times to distance ourselves from others believing the falsehood that we can go through life as a lone ranger.  While that may work for a time, sooner or later we come to realize that we do in fact have a need for intimacy with others; that we truly desire love and acceptance, to know and be known.  The only problem is…that is really hard.  

Relationships of any nature involve a risk because there’s always the possibility of betrayal or rejection.  In short, there’s always the chance to be hurt. For some, experience has taught this is to be expected and that people are to be viewed with extreme wariness. Trust becomes a fragile commodity.  For others, personal insecurities become a barrier to opening themselves up to potential friendships- especially if they believe their skeletons (both current or past) would deter someone from engaging with them in the present.   

I talk to people every day who struggle with both trusting others and feelings of  unworthiness. And, if we’re honest, we’ve probably all been there a time or two in some capacity.  Perhaps some of you resonated with those first few paragraphs because that’s been you. Or, maybe it’s you now.  Maybe you’ve thought because of what you’ve been through in life that you’re somehow disqualified from having quality relationships. 

You might even feel as though you need to present yourself to others with a disclaimer or warning of sorts. For instance, maybe you think you need a “Beware, I come with baggage” sign.  Or, a “You might want to re-think getting to know me” sign. There are a million reasons we believe these signs are necessary and justified…but are they really helping us?  Whether it be issues with addiction, mental health, or unhealed wounds from the past, we often allow our disclaimers to talk us into believing that nobody could accept us.  These insecurities can then lead us into a vicious cycle of fear, isolation and loneliness- and away from experiencing genuine friendships.  

It’s easy to accept our own thoughts about ourselves as truth, but this can be a pretty detrimental way to live.  Instead, we need to turn to the ultimate source of truth- God’s Word. We need to ask ourselves, “What does He say about who we are?”  In John 1:12 we learn: “Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.”   For those who are in Christ, we are the children of God!  This. This is what anchors us and frees our hearts from fear and insecurity.  In my book Remade: Living Free I explore the concept of God as our Father in great detail, but thought I would include an excerpt here in the event that anyone reading this is struggling with their own “sign.” 

When you know that you are a child of God, then you know who you really are, and you come to know your true worth.  When you know you’re a son or daughter of the King, you won’t need the world to determine your value. When you know you now are adopted as His child, you won’t have to search for your identity in anything else.  When the world tells you you’re not good enough, that you can never be loved or forgiven, that you can never be accepted, that you need a relationship, money, or a career to define you, you can say with the utmost confidence, “I know who I am.  I am loved, accepted, and forgiven. I am the child of Almighty God.”  

It is also so important to know that this adoption is permanent.  We are adopted in Christ, and just as God will never cast out Christ, He will never cast us out (ESV Reformation Study Bible).  God the Father loves us perfectly, because He loves Christ perfectly. Simply amazing!

We are loved.  Loved by the God of the Universe who created us and everything in it!  Instead of feeling doubt and uncertainty about ourselves, we can rest in the comfort of knowing our true identity as His child.  This is the truth we must remind ourselves of when we’re tempted to hold back from relationships that could potentially be some of the greatest blessings in our lives.  We are not designed to fly solo through life, but for community with God and others! Nobody is perfect or has it all together, but we can hold our heads high knowing that we belong forever to our heavenly Father.  No disclaimers needed.   

Snow Trails

For the entirety of my 18 year long relationship with my husband he has wanted to take me skiing.  And every time he ever brought it up I absolutely refused. The reason for this was threefold: 1) I love to run and was terrified of breaking a leg or tearing a meniscus  2) I hate, and I mean hate being out in the cold and 3) I’m a bit claustrophobic and the idea of having my feet strapped into tight fitting boots that are then attached to skis just made me cringe.  Plus, it generally just seemed terrifying. For these reasons I gave an emphatic “No” to skiing. Every. Single. Time. But, when all my husband wanted to do for his 40th birthday was go skiing with a bunch of friends and me, what could I do but smile and with a heavy sigh say, “Okay.”  

I hate to spoil the ending right here and now, so I won’t give everything away just yet; but as you may have inferred, I did live to write about this whole endeavor despite my many oppositions (and with nothing broken or torn I might add).   So without further adieu, here are my two big take-a-ways from this experience: 

1:  I learned a helpful way to calm anxiety/ fear.   I have never been one to struggle with anxiety and in general I’m not an overly anxious person.  However, as I said a few sentences back, there have been some incidents in my life where my claustrophobic tendencies have created some problems.  Case in point: a wetsuit. Yup, a wetsuit. I really wanted to do a half-ironman triathlon, but in order to do that I was going to have to conquer my irrational fear of forever being trapped in a tight rubber suit.  Because seriously, I really wanted to do that race but wasn’t about to go without one in the cold waters of Michigan in early June. Thanks to some helpful exposure therapy techniques from a former co-worker (who is also a very good friend), I was able to successfully navigate that goal.  Looking back, I probably should have utilized some of the same exercises for the skis as I did for the wetsuit. But as they say, hindsight is 20/20.  

Outside of the ski rental building my husband patiently helped me get my boot locked into the ski.  I was feeling overwhelmed at that point. The combination of all the people flying down the slopes and the sight of the lifts had me feeling so anxious.  Pretty much the second the boot locked into place I felt like I was going to pass out. I said to him, “I don’t think I can do this.” As he was getting my other boot in the ski he said, “Sure you can.  Anybody can ski, just like anybody can run.” He spoke these words with such a calm confidence that I weirdly just believed him. I then looked at the lifts circling around and around and thought, “Ok, I don’t have to get on the lift now.  I just have to stand here with the skis on.”  And that was the approach I took for the rest of the day.  Rather than look at what was yet to (potentially) come, I decided to instead focus on the task at hand.  One thing at a time.   

It was amazing how well that tactic worked.  During the group lesson I continued to keep my focus in the moment and concentrated on carrying out the ski instructor’s directions.  If I started to worry about the lift, the people, or the big hills I would just think, “Ok, that’s not what we’re doing now.  All I have to do right now is take small sideways steps with my skis up this bunny hill.”  It may sound silly, but it got me through my fear.  I’d like to say by the end of the day I was a skiing pro, but unfortunately, that’s not quite accurate.  I did have a few good runs on the slopes though (complete with some awesome wipeouts). But I didn’t have a panic attack and I didn’t bail to go hang at the lodge.  For me, that was a raving success.  

Another tactic that kept my anxiety in check was being aware of the beauty around me and focusing on what was enjoyable.  The brilliant snow covered trees and the white slopes were truly stunning. As I said, I’m not a fan of the cold, but I do enjoy the loveliness of a fresh snowfall.  Incidentally, I was pleasantly surprised by how warm I felt all day. Being outside breathing in the crisp winter air but feeling comfortable at the same time was refreshing.  What was also enjoyable was the amazing time we were having with our friends. It truly was an unforgettable day of love and laughter. And best of all, my husband was spending his birthday exactly as he had wanted.  

I know in some way, shape, or form we all have our anxious moments.  Whether it’s wrestling with an actual anxiety disorder, being prone to worry, or getting caught up in the “what if’s” of life by thinking too far ahead, feel free to take a cue from my day on the slopes and remind yourself, “I don’t have to do [x] right now.  All I need to focus on is this present task.”  By staying in the present and focusing on one thing at a time we save ourselves from a lot of needless angst- and in the process, we are better able to turn our attention to the beauty around us.  Because whether we acknowledge it or not, it’s there. And as I found, it’s really hard to be anxious when you’re recognizing the blessings around you.   

2.  Don’t let fear keep you from trying something new.  At the end of the day I felt like I was having a bit of a “Green Eggs and Ham” moment.  You all know that book, right? “I will not eat them Sam I Am, I do not like green eggs and ham!”  Yeah. We also all know how that story ends. Now, I’m not saying skiing is my new favorite activity, but I did actually enjoy it and would love the chance to go again.  The reason for this is twofold: 1) My competitive nature kicked in and I really want to improve my skills to become a better skier and 2) It was a great way to spend the day with my husband and our friends…which is reason enough to layer up and hit the slopes any time.  

In short, my only regret about the experience is that it took so many years for me to finally say, “Yes.”  The next time an adventure is waiting I won’t let my anxieties hold me back. Instead, I’ll keep in mind the possibility of being pleasantly surprised by something unexpected.  I’ll err on the side of hope and optimism rather than fear. 

Love and Mirrors

In light of tomorrow being Valentine’s Day, I thought it would only be appropriate to write about the topic of love.  Now, before you roll your eyes or close the window on your screen, you should know that this is going to be a pretty brutal post.  And for that you have Michael Jackson to thank. 

I woke up Saturday morning with the idea to write about serving one another in love- and  on my 5 minute drive home from the grocery at 8:30am the radio confirmed this was the way to go.  I mean, it was like divine intervention via the FM. I couldn’t even tell you the last time I heard the song Man in the Mirror on the radio, yet there it was blaring in my Ford Focus (don’t judge- the heated seats are amazing).  Say what you want about Michael, but that song gets me every time. Probably because I remember that music video so vividly. I was only 7 years old when it was released, but those images of starving children and other gruesome historical events still flash in my mind every time I hear that song.  I truly think as a child that was my first glimpse of the ugliness of the world. Yet the video footage is somehow counterbalanced by the positive and hopeful message that change in the world is possible, and that it starts with…me.  

That morning as I listened in my car, the lyrics “I’ve been a victim of a selfish kind of love” jumped out at me.  You know why? Not because others have been selfish in their love for me, but because that is my number one obstacle to loving others well.  I like things that are comfortable and convenient, and if I’m being super honest, things that play to my interests. That doesn’t sound very much like love, and it certainly doesn’t sound like Jesus.  

Any ideas this world had about love were pretty much flipped upside down when Jesus showed up.  He taught that the first shall be last and the last shall be first; that those who want to be great must be servant to all.  Christ was the ultimate example of sacrificial serving love; for Jesus himself, the Son of God, came to earth from all of his heavenly glory to wash the feet of sinful men and to die a grotesque death on a cross.  As Matthew 20:28 tells us, “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”  As Christians that is our model; we are to imitate Christ by loving as he loved. 

It’s funny the things that stick with you sometimes.  After returning home from a Toronto missions trip in 1999 one of our youth leaders very wisely created a board (which hung on the wall of our youth room) comprised of a water bottle, brown paper lunch bag, and a squeegee.  Above the board was the verse “Whatever you did for the least of these brothers of mine, you did unto me” (Matthew 25:40).  It stood as a beautiful reminder of our trip, and every time I looked at it I could picture myself and the others giving food and water to the homeless and helping the “squeegee kids” earn some extra money.  It also reminded me that when I serve others, I am ultimately serving Jesus. To this day I cannot read (or hear) that verse without thinking of that board.     

When it comes to weeks like Toronto, it’s easy to have a servant mentality because the whole point of the trip is to serve others.  I am forever thankful for those trips (perhaps more on them in a future post), for they impacted me very deeply and in some important ways, set the stage for my future.  But for me, where it gets really real is serving the people in my every day life. It’s easy to get focused on my agenda, making sure I get the things done that I want to do.  I take care of myself, but in the process forget to take care of others. It might show up in simple things- like taking my dirty dishes to the sink but not offering to take my spouse’s, or sitting on the couch for an extended period of time reading (or writing) instead of playing that game of Clue with my 8 yr old.  But it also shows up in bigger things like my attitude or filtering my whole thought process through my own lens first rather than thinking about what someone else might want or need.  

When my husband and I got married on June 19, 2004 we had a foot washing ceremony to symbolize our commitment to serving one another in love.  Before all of our family and closest friends we got on our knees- me in my wedding dress and he in his tux- to demonstrate this servant love Jesus calls us to.  I’m so grateful we did this, and although it is at times painfully convicting, it helps me to remember the way I am to love him. And trust me, over the last 15 years of marriage my husband has by far been the better model of this.  I am acutely aware that I need to continuously be in prayer for God to incline my heart to servant love- both for my spouse and for others.  

James 1:23-24 says, “For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror.  For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like.” It seems I’ve come full circle on this post as once again the idea of a mirror is used to call us to action.  I want to be a doer. Specifically, a doer who with humility serves others in love. I need to remember that just as I am feeding Jesus by giving a homeless man in Toronto a sandwich, so am I serving Him when I serve my husband, children, friends, co-workers, and strangers. 

As Michael said, it does start with the man in the mirror- but with a pivotal twist.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this kind of love is beyond my sinful capability; for it is only through the power of the Holy Spirit and Christ in me that this love is possible.  To love others well I have to stay connected to the One who is love Himself. May this be ever in the forefront of our minds as we take up the call to walk in servant love with the One who served and loved us perfectly. 

Recovery Lessons

Every once in awhile a member of one of my drug and alcohol recovery groups will ask why I’ve chosen a profession involving addicts.  They know I’m not in recovery myself, and sometimes they get curious as to what the motivation is to work with them. I often share that I’m passionate about watching people change their lives- and when it comes to true recovery, no change is more evident.  I share with them that when I first became a therapist I facilitated a group for women in recovery who had lost custody of their young children; and how that experience shaped my understanding of the ugly grasp with which an addiction can take hold of someone.  I share how over the last 13 years my clients (both in individual and group sessions) have been my greatest teachers about addiction. And I share with them how I truly enjoy them as people.   

Conversely, I’m sometimes asked questions about my job or addiction from various family, friends,  and acquaintances who have little to no contact with those walking the line of sobriety. I’m always happy to relate my experiences and to educate anyone about the process of addiction and recovery because I believe it is this knowledge that leads to greater compassion and meaningful solutions.  It is my great hope that more and more people will become familiar with the challenges faced by those striving to abstain from all mood altering substances. To that end I thought I would share a small portion of what I have learned about recovery from those who have taught me the most.  

If I could summarize all I’ve learned about a true recovery lifestyle in one word it would be ‘humility.’  I’ve had many clients who have been court ordered to services, but until someone is ready (and able) to admit they have a problem, no help will be had.  In fact, the first step of the Twelve Steps of AA/NA is admitting powerlessness over the addiction, and admitting life has become unmanageable. This step is incredibly difficult-but also incredibly freeing.  This is the step that sets the stage for turning over one’s will and acknowledging the need for something bigger than the “self” to restore sanity and life. It is this step which sets the precedence for the rest of recovery, for humility is key in every aspect along the way.  

Throughout treatment and all the following years, one has to admit they don’t “know it all,” and continuously be open to feedback from others about their faults and character defects.  To truly make it in recovery, one needs to remain open to learning, and be able to take responsibility for mistakes. And let’s not forget about being able to ask for help when it is needed; to reach out to supports when life is hard, and to be honest about what you’re feeling when you feel it.  All of this takes an insane amount of humility and hard work, and serves as a reminder that recovery is so much more than stopping the actual substance. It truly is a lifestyle and an opportunity to live deeper and richer than ever before.  

The truth is, I see the need for myself to put into practice everything ever discussed in my groups or individual sessions.  And while I absolutely acknowledge my need for a Savior (because I could never in a thousand lifetimes have a righteousness of my own that would merit standing in the presence of a holy God), I know I need to practice daily humility in admitting my faults, weaknesses, and struggles.  I need to stay open to what others have to teach me and recognize that I don’t know it all. Without a doubt I need to ask for help way more often than I currently do- and to let myself be truly known by others.  

I am so grateful for the years I’ve spent in rooms and around tables learning these hard lessons alongside my clients.  At the end of the day, my biggest takeaway from my job is a reminder that I need to continuously practice humility and stay connected in my relationships with family, friends, and most importantly, God.  I’ve learned that although I may not be in recovery from substances, I certainly have my share of stuff to work on- and in that way, we’re all in this together.   

Fullness of Life Through Freedom in Christ

Galatians 5:1: “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” 

If you’ve ever seen the movie Braveheart, the first image likely to come into your mind is  Mel Gibson’s blue painted face screaming, “FRRREEEEEEDDDOOOMMM!” as he rides into battle to bravely defend Scotland.  And if you’re a proud American, you likely proclaim that our country is great because it is free.  Our beautiful National Anthem even resounds this triumph with the concluding words, “O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.”  No matter how many times I’ve heard it, those majestic lyrics are enough to bring me (or any other patriot) to tears.  

It’s amazing how much strong emotion is brought on by the word and concept of freedom.  And rightly so- for it is the inborn desire of every person to be free. We yearn for the ability to think, speak, and act without hinderance or restraint; to not be governed by a foreign entity; and to not be imprisoned or enslaved to any person or thing.  

The quest for freedom takes form in many aspects of our lives.  This is evidenced by advertisements aimed at helping us find financial freedom, or advertisements informing us how working at home allows freedom in schedule setting or travel.  We even seek freedom in our physical appearance, choosing clothing, accessories, and hairstyles that reflect who we are as a person. And when it comes to relationships (or even our appearance), we might lean into phrases like, “I’m free to be me.”  We go after freedom in every category of life because it brings relief, joy, and peace.  Some might even say freedom is the foundation for life itself.  

As much as I enjoy the freedoms of this country, or believe in the benefits of financial freedom, or value the right to self-expression and healthy relationships, the truth is, these are not the freedoms I really need.  They are the freedoms I love and enjoy…but they cannot save my soul.  

Galatians 5:1 tells us it is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  This freedom is twofold: 1)Because of Jesus’ death and resurrection, we are forgiven. Meaning, no longer can Satan (or anyone else for that matter) accuse us before God.  Our sins have been paid for in full, and for those who are in Christ, we can stand before God Almighty, uncondemned, covered in His grace. And 2) We are no longer slaves to sin; sin has been dethroned as our master!  Instead, we become servants to Christ. If you find this unsettling or confusing, take comfort in Romans 6:22 which says, “But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life.”  

It may seem paradoxical, but a life lived in service to the Savior of the world is the life of true freedom.  There is no lasting joy to be had when we are in slavery to our sin- for this is a slavery that leads to death.  There is however, infinite and eternal joy found in living obediently to Christ- for this is a servitude that leads to life.  

Indeed, it is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  This freedom is the entire theme of this website as well as my book, Remade: Living Free.  I humbly invite you to join with me in the pursuit of understanding the depths of this freedom given to us by the God who loves us immeasurably.    

Isaiah 55:9

I’m not really sure why, but I often think about some morbid topics in my every day life- maybe because of my profession, or the constant stream of sadness in the news, or maybe because I feel the need to prepare myself for tragedy. Whatever the reason, I was thinking of these things on a late Sunday afternoon run and praying that God would give me strength and faith to accept whatever was to come my way in the future. I was thinking in terms of some ultimate trauma like losing my spouse or a child, or even experiencing something like the Holocaust (like I said, my mind goes to some deep places sometimes). It may not sound like it, but it really was a nice run! I came home to a homemade pizza made by my daughter and we all sat cozily in the living room eating our dinner and watching a movie. At one point I heard my phone buzz rapid fire style but chose to ignore it until we finished our family time.

Turns out at the end of those message notifications was some really tragic news. The kind of news that makes you instantly deny its truth…until you realize that no, that terrible thing really did happen. Even as I’m writing this I think I’m still in a state of disbelief. While the news did not involve a personal friend or family member, the circumstance was such that it brought me to many tears and left me thinking, Ok God…..Why??? Nothing about what had happened made sense. Not one iota.

Over the last 24 hours my mind has has come to rest on the truth of Isaiah 55:9: “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” In light of yesterday’s news and the trials of the future yet to be endured, this is what I must cling to. I have to remember that I can only see in part while God sees in full. And that is so hard because I want to know God’s ultimate purpose now. I want to see how He’s going to use this for His glory now. Because it doesn’t make sense to me…and I want an explanation. Ahhhhh. But then I remember who I am and who God is and I focus my mind on the above mentioned verse. I surrender to the fact that some things I’m not meant to know.

I’m sure there were many people in the Bible who never really knew the extent of God’s plans. While the Apostle Paul could see the fruits of his labor while he lived, he had no way to know the magnitude of influence his writings would have on the Christian Church. And I’m guessing Zacchaeus and the woman caught in adultery couldn’t possible understand how their seemingly small interactions with Jesus would communicate the depths of his love for lost sinners for centuries to come. Now we know in part, but someday we will know in full (1 Corinthians 12:12). Until then, we go on in full assurance of faith that God is good, faithful, just, and most importantly, love. It is not lost on me that I was praying for strength to accept God’s will on that run. I’m in awe that during those miles God was already at work lovingly preparing my heart- which shows just how good and faithful He is. I praise God that indeed, His ways are not my ways, and His thoughts are not my thoughts.

Cows: Part II

I’m not really one for country running, but when one visits the land of Twelve Mile it’s pretty much the only option. It’s actually a nice change up from my usual routes through my flat hometown. The rolling hills make for some good training and often a deer or two can be seen standing in a field or leaping into the woods. All of this makes for a beautiful and peaceful run. But at the top of the long gravel hill on 625 N there is always a herd of cattle grazing in their lot (is that the right word…this non-country-girl is unsure of the farm lingo) I always get a kick out of the cows as they spectate this rare running scene in their countryside domain. Usually the cattle might smell a little, but nothing too extreme. (For reference, the first time I visited my husband’s childhood home I told him it smelled like the fair…that’s when he looked at me and said, “You’re such a townie.”)

On this particular run however, the smell was significantly magnified as it had been raining for the last day or so and the cow lot (barn lot maybe?) had become a muddy muddy mess. As I ran by the cows they stampeded away (rather than just standing there to watch me like they usually do) flinging mud everywhere. Those were some smelly cows covered in filth. Looking at the mud pit and taking in the odor I thought, “That is so gross, and that smell is disgusting!” Then I had another thought: “I bet that’s only a glimpse of what our sin is like to God.” Guess the cows of Cass County Indiana have prompted me toward some serious spiritual reflection these days.

For the rest of the run I pondered how foul our sin is to a holy God- and marveled that He waded into our mess. I wasn’t sure how those cows were going to get all that mud off of them, but my guess was they wouldn’t be able to make themselves clean- just like we could never have taken away the stench of our own sin. Like the cows, we were deep in the muck and mire…and far from Him. But even in our most grotesque state, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). And because of Jesus we are no longer slaves to sin or condemned in our filth. His blood has washed us clean and made us new.

As we head into a New Year awaiting all that 2020 has in store, let us hold fast to the One who not only created life itself, but who created within us new life and a clean heart.

One more thought: In the coming year you might want to be on the lookout for cows…you never know what they might teach you 

Cows: Part I

I’ve had some interesting experiences with cows lately. For some of you, dealing with livestock is a daily occurrence, but for me, a coined “townie,” it’s pretty out of the ordinary.

The first occurrence was about 3 weeks ago when I was participating in a live nativity in Twelve Mile, Indiana. It was a chilly, misty, windy night, so when my mother-in-law stationed me in the stable scene I was definitely okay with that! I was feeling pretty good about holding my statue-like pose as an angel while the stable walls protected me from the elements. Occasionally, I glanced to my right to see my husband and son posing in their positions out in the cold, open park. I felt some pity for them as well as a twinge of guilt in light of the fact that I was undoubtedly warmer than they were.

Well, guilt until the cow in the stable decided to relieve herself via a grand #2! I cannot emphasize enough my disdain for cold weather, but in that moment I would’ve happily traded places with any of the other volunteers in that park in a second! Seriously, that was one smelly incident that I wanted to get away from…and quick! But, what can you do in a moment like that but stand there and pretend to be a happy angel as the cars roll by oblivious to the stench and admiring the baby Jesus in the manger.

As I stood there in my angel like state, I began to think about the fact that Jesus really was born in a smelly barn and that cow dung was perhaps one of the first smells the Savior of the world experienced on this earth. It reminded me of a song title from the 90’s band, 4Him, This is such a Strange Way to Save the World. Indeed, it truly was. His humble birth seemed to be a foreshadowing of Matthew 20:28: “Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” To think- He left heavenly glory to experience rough straw, the coldness of night, and the smells of animal excrement- all to end up on a cross to save us from our sin. God in His mighty love saw us in our wretched condition and intervened to make a way to Himself and to make us new.

Which leads me to my second experience with cows… (stay tuned)

Celebrating Emmanuel

What a wonderful day celebrating our Emmanuel ❤️

Even though I’ve heard the Christmas story more times that I can count, it never ceases to amaze me that Jesus left His Heavenly glory to live here on earth for 33 years. Thinking about the humanity of Jesus seriously blows my mind. Jesus ate food. I’ve always wondered what His favorite meal was. Jesus ran around as a toddler. What made Him laugh? What childhood games did He love to play? Jesus felt physical and emotional pain. He experienced what it is to be human.

Hebrews 4:18 tells us that we do not have a Savior who is unsympathetic to our weaknesses, because He Himself was tempted in every way. He was in it with us.

Thankful for a Savior who is God with us- a Savior who came humbly as a baby and reigns as our forever King! Merry Christmas!!!